"Welcome everyone to the blood bowl pitch, where today we shall be seeing the lizards of the Mezozoic Meatgrinder versus the orcs of UniOrc; both are missing one team member and the orcs are higher ranked, which puts the lizards at a disadvantage with just five saurus instead of six to do the beatings. I'm Gorgaz Toothfang.. "

"And I'm Snot Sniffly, best thing wearing scales on the planet today. The lack of a sixth saurus is not going to stop them from beating the orcs senseless, granted thinking is a little bit out of their reach to begin with. The lizard men can't have more then 1/4th a brain combined, and the orcs make what, another third?"

"If they can outpound the orcs in the opening moments, the lizards have a good shot at this. If they can't, we're going to have handbags and lizard skin leather armor made for us by the time the match is over."

"Only if you're buying, Gorgaz."

"The orcs lose the toss and the lizards will receive, giving them a shot at doing some damage before they head for the end zone with the ball. It looks like the lizards are going to attempt to pound and then retreat for defense, with just the orcs' troll and some linefodder on the line. The rest of the orcs set up for a zone defense as the kick as the skinks spread out; a riot breaks out in the stands right before kickoff, causing some of the lizards' valuable time to be lost."

"The saurus on the front line push the orcs around, not getting any results as everyone rushes to the ball in order to claim it."

"Then the lizards make a saurus cage as The Chewy Center grabs the ball and they begin their drive, well away from any orc that could reach them. The orcs respond by advancing in a horde, just the way I like it, and they naturally gangstomp the loner skink on the way up the pitch. On the way, the troll punches the lone saurus left on the line of scrimmage, and after that the lizards try to dodge to the side and go the long way around to try to outrun the orcs by going to the other side of the pitch.

"Not going to work; they're almost equal in speed and I don't think those orcs are afraid of my species as they should be."

"The orcs are not having it and begin to slaughter those on the line of scrimmage after a lizard brings down an orc in a heap but does no damage. He-Who-Outruns-Rats, one of the skinks, is knocked out as the sauri move on."

"As they hit midfield going slower than you when you're thinking..."

"Hey!"

"... A skink known as The Swamp Water Scab is tripped by an orc and the orcs move down to pin the lizards against the sidelines. The cage is broken when a black orc blitzes one of the saurus, and the little-skink-that-thinks-he-could is forced to make a run for it without defensive help. The orcs have something the lizards don't, and that's the ability to dodge."

"The sauri try their best to position, forcing for dodges as The Chewy Center sneaks along the sidelines but is slapped by the blitzer in the way and now the ball is loose. That was a mistake, he should have assisted the lone saurus next to him to slap the blitzer silly and wait for the cage to come back to back him up."

"What is sillier is that that skink thought he could get away."

"Now the orcs have the ball and run away with it, leaving the lizards no chance to get it back this half. With the super agile orc grabbing the ball and running out of range, we're going to be 1 and 0 in favor of the orcs on the scoreboard very soon. While the Kroxigor known as Sir Steelbones forgets to get up, the saurus known as Thinks Too Much is knocked down by a blitzer and the orcs continue to move on... but wait! Here come the skinks! They dodge and weave, shadowing up to the ball-carrying agile blitzer, and attempt a hail mary of a play to bring him down! One... two... three skinks..."

"Ah ah ah..."

"..."

"The blitz is no good, only forcing a push to the sidelines with no extra offensive help; the lizards are too tied up and/or getting up."

"The troll covers the skinks, the orcs cover the sauri, and The Enraged Ragebreaker, saurus for the lizards, is fed to the crowd in very small bites. Lizard stew for everyone!"

"He's out for the match as the orcs get very close to the end zone but the skinks are not giving up, and... HERE COMES SIR STEELBONES!"

"The Kroxigor is angry, and gives it all he has to reach the ballcarrier and bash him into the ground, causing the ball to pop loose and give the skinks another go at things. The skink known as The Chewy Center grabs the ball, attempts a pass, and... uh... did he just catch his own pass?"

"That's one way to save a scatter launch. As the other Saurus scramble for positioning what they can, the Dragon's Sneeze knocks himself out as the skinks are pushed around. It looks like the skinks were not paying attention to the clock though, because the half comes to a close with the skinks still far from any shot at scoring."

(Halftime. The words "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" appear on the Gigant-O-Tron as Gorgaz slurps a unidentified-flavor -brown- slurpee. Snot is almost afraid to ask.)

"Looks like someone forgot to pay for their ads. Or the Gigant-O-Tron programming."

"This is a boring match. I've never been so embarassed by my own kind, they're usually a lot more violent than this. I want to see blood! Green orc blood!"

"Our blood is red, Snot."

(The orc dumps the rest of the slurpee out onto Snot's head as the cameras turn back on and halftime ends.)

"Now it's time for the lizards to kick to the orcs, and 11 vs 8? This is not going to go well for them. Despite that, their fans cheer them on as the kick is off and we are underway."

"The orcs assault the lizards but to no avail as the skinks look for an opening. Fearless skink The Crunchy One grabs the ball with no support as the other skinks run to try to assist him, but it's to no avail as a black orc grabs a skink and throws him to the side for a stun. Two skinks wide open in the backfield means the orcs CHARGE with the expectation of predictable results: Loose ball, crushed skink on one's boots, and about 50,000 gold to spend on a NEW skink once the match is over. The super agile orc charges the ball carrier, and... wait, what's this, some other orc charged him instead and they both fall down! The Crunchy One is squished for a knockout as expected, but there's one skink in heavily hostile territory that can succeed where the others have fallen!"

"Nope, The Chewy Center fails to pick up the ball, and it bounces away from the Kroxigor, who had come to assist with a tail that is likely more intelligent than he is. This means... yup... badly hurt skink and the lizards have nowhere to turn."

Another saurus KOed as the skinks that are left REFUSE to give up, and they just fall over as the black orcs kick them around. No one is left to contest the orcs' superiority, and from here on in, it's just a stall to the end of the match as we hit the halfway point of the second half. Two sauri, two skinks, and the kroxigor are left on the field as the orcs go to absolute town, despite one skink bumrushing the ball carrier and only pushing him towards the endzone for his trouble."

"Don't count it out just yet... did that saurus just dodge?"

"Like it will help? Too many orcs, not enough lizards."

"The loner skink is fouled off the pitch as the last remaining skink on the field... what is his problem, does he have a death wish?"

"He attacks the ballcarrier again, slavering and screaming things young people shouldn't hear... for more un-fun pushes as the other sauri are surrounded to prevent them getting any funny ideas about 'helping'. There isn't any way they can lend support now."

"They don't need to! Look at that!"

(a fan grabs the orc, slamming him to the ground; on the monitor, a pair of skulls show.)

"LOOSE BALL! WE HAVE A LOOSE BALL! The skinks... er, skink left, has a chance!"

"And the skink TEARS off, leaving a trail of dust in his wake as he brings the ball to midfield and... oh, there's a surprise. He tripped over his own tail in the closing moments trying to get out of range. ALWAYS at the last possible moment, those mistakes."

"The ball is loose at midfield as the orcs run to reclaim what is rightfully theirs. An orc blitzes the poor skink as he gets up, but he wisely sidesteps onto the ball and it bounces into the blitzer's hands as time expires, preventing a pass. We're left with a 0-0 tie by a pair of teams that never gave up. Better than a loss, I guess, but your kind really should have beaten my kind today."

(Gorgaz adopts a goofy expression, pointing to the monitor.)

"They did, did you see all the KOs in the box over there?"

"... this is Snot Sniffly and Gorgaz Toothfang for the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corp'ration..."

"... saying I think I'm going to help myself to some of those beatings as the orcs rush the KO box of the lizards."

"After that little rookie mistake by one of my kind in the first half... I'll grab the popcorn."

-(A boring match that was banged up by real bad dice on both sides to the point of stupidity, holy shit. He really should have won after my rookie mistake in the first half.)-