"Welcome once again to another day, and another throwdown smashfest here on the Blood Bowl pitch. It's a clear day and the stands are filled, and as soon as Gorgaz gets back with the refreshments we can get to properly commentate this match."

(Gorgaz staggers in with a Gargantu-Gulp and seven bags of popcorn and chocolate bars in his arms.)

"The line was huge. Took forever to bust enough heads to get to the front and get our snacks."

"I hope you left them something to remember you by."

"Besides the medical bills those idiots are going to have for getting in my way?"

"I suppose that's something."

"Today we're watching the battle of..."

(Gorgaz looks at the reference sheet.)

"I can't say this with seriousness, Snot. This is an embarassment to the Underworld team."

"And they're not embarassments of the gods to begin with?"

"Good point. Today we're watching the battle of Boopy Baffo's Synthetic Cheez vs the elves of Nerve Wrecker. The Synthetic Cheez is an underworld team, led by The Amazing Boopy Baffo."

"Try saying that name really fast. It sounds cute."

"Cuter than you, but that's not hard to do."

"..."

"Boopy Baffo and his hired scum and villany have won the toss and will receive as the elves set up. Will we see a bunch of flying goblins?"

"If by flying you mean they're punched so hard they're knocked off the pitch..."

"It's a high kick and the fight is on as The Animated Booger goes to retrieve the ball. He moves up to hand it off to one of the other goblins, but drops it and it bounces into Fabulous Fengo's waiting claws, and the blitzer holds onto it with his life."

"Not that it's worth that much."

"The goblin known as The Tank sticks his shoes into the ribs of Alona Rogers, one of the elves, stunning him... her... I can't tell, they all look alike to me. Meanwhile, Boinky The Black Buzzard..."

"I swear, those rats have weirder and weirder names these days..."

"Boinky is KOed and it looks like he'll be sleeping the rest of this one off."

"Meanwhile the rest of the underworld team is running about randomly and becomes too spread out to actively defend against the incoming elves as Fabulous Fengo makes a break for the end zone. Here comes one of the elves with murder on his mind... and boom, the ball goes flying to give the elves a complete advantage. A goblin called Blech the Backwards is stepped on and scraped into the infirmary off the shoes of one of the elves; he won't be playing again today."

"The linerat Wretchy Wrench grabs the ball and makes off but the elves easily catch up and slaughter him with brass knuckles to the face, ribs, and assorted other body parts! Looks like his ankle is snapped... he's left in a twitching heap as here comes the apoth out on the field... and... ... ... what's this? An argument between doctor and patient?"

"Look at that, the apothecary ripped his spine right out of his body and stuffed it into an elf's mouth! That was funny!"

"The corpse is carried off the field as the elves grab the ball and we're at the half of the half."

"The ball bounces to The Tank who catches it and they're poised to score but the elves slap him for a KO and take the ball away to prepare for a pass. A lone, open elf is in the backfield of the Synthetic Cheez...

AND HERE COMES THE ANIMATED BOOGER! Look at him go! He's angry! Have you ever seen someone so rabid?! He takes down the blitzer all on his own..."

"With a little assist from his friend..."

"Goblins have no friends."

"True that."

"... he steals the ball while making faces at the other elf in the way..."

"Do not taunt happy fun elf."

"... and runs off! They might score after all! He dodges, he weaves, he annoys reality by his sheer existance... and... there you have it folks, touchdown for the Synthetic Cheez in the closing moments of the first half!"

"After a brief pause in which the elves who were guarding the ball are yelled at by their fans in the most obscene way you can imagine, the second kickoff is a high kick out in the open as the elves set up for the grab. The underworld set up in the backfield to defend in what little way they know how."

"Which is to say, not at all as the elves go to pick... what's this, it's a fumble! Fabulous Fengo charges, trying to capitalize, but fails to secure the ball as the elves start to get annoyed and go to push rats and goblins all over the pitch. They razzledazzle them enough to play some Elfball and score right as the whistle sounds to make it one-one in what I expect will be eighteen-one before long. We're at halftime, folks."

(Halftime. The Broadcasto-Tron is off, as some goblins and gnomes are recalibrating the chainguns and jury-rigging them to allow them to shoot goblins rapid-fire instead.)

"I can't get over this team name. Who the hell names their kid Boopy Baffo?"

"Are YOU going to ask that troll's mother what made her think of the name?"

"Trolls can think?"

"Maybe she had help."

"All the PHDs in the world couldn't help trolls to think."

(Outside, a series of goblin go flying, launched from the new guns. they slam face first into the wall of the stadium in quick succession and blood splatters everywhere.)

"Well, either way, that was an amazing play by the Animated Booger. He's going places."

"Besides under the feet of a rat ogre as it charges across the field doing the moonwalk?"

"You know what I mean."

"I half expect the troll to eat him. We haven't had a good troll buffet in a good long while."

"I could feed you to him to sate that thirst, or give him the rest of this Gargantu-Gulp..."

(All the ice in it has melted, leaving a steaming, bubbling carbonated mess. Whatever that liquid was, it wasn't cooked up by the halflings.)

"No thanks, that thing is more toxic than I am."

"And that's saying something."

(Halftime ends.)

"The teams have returned to the field and immediately set up for the battle royale of the second half. There's the kick, and... into the stands it goes, which will make things difficult for the underworld. The elf known as Loki Stillpain goes to charge The Amazing Boopy Baffo himself, and just as he's about to have both wrists broken, he dodges back and fakes the troll out. While they trade pushing each other the elves swarm the backfield."

"The little goblin called Zeeky I. Bomb sets himself up for a goblin toss by Boopy Baffo but falls over on his own ass when he finds the troll's hands are too covered in hair and filth for even he to want to be in them. Another goblin, The Tank, fouls an elf off the pitch for a while... but the ref sees it and throws him off the pitch better than The Amazing Boopy Baffo ever could."

"Now the elves are on the move with little opposition, and it takes only a few blink-and-you-missed-it moments before they score. The elves score with authority, making it 2-1 as the underworld again take to the pitch and set up. It's 8 vs 9, but the elves are stronger."

"Rain explodes overhead as the linerat called The Paladin attempts to hand the ball off to Zeeky I Bomb. Zeeky flips him off but finally accepts the ball... until it slips through his fingers because of the rain and the elves begin to weasel their way in!"

"The goblins attempt to get to the ball but there are just too many elves around to make any action viable as we hit the halfway point of the second half. The elves set up a screen and a cage, and there's next to no room for the rats and goblins to move around. Those who within range are stunned and are still trying to find their feet."

"Maybe if they find their brains first, they'll have a chance."

"They're elves, the underworld has no chance."

"The Mute One tries to break the screen but it's no good. The elves score a third time and that does it for any chance of recovery for the underworld. Now, it's time for some PAIN!"

"Indeed. The elves are too good and it's time to take them down a notch."

"Tell that to Boopy Baffo... it looks like the underworld is setting up for another troll throw..."

"Don't you mean goblin toss?"

"It'd be funnier if the troll went flying. He's more aerodynamic than the goblins!"

"The goblins rush to retrieve the ball but in this pouring rain from the heavens, they have no chance. The elves on the other hand are in mother nature's personal shower..."

"Watching her?"

"They're elves, they're dirtier than the underworld. Just look inside their horse stables."

"And how would you know?"

(The orc flashes a toothy grin before thumping his chest.)

"I'm a growing orc! I need meat!"

(Snot rolls his eyes and turns back to the monitors.)

"... ... ... And another score by the elves. 4-1. Calling it now, blitz on the last play of the game to put the hurt on the underworld. Boinky The Black Buzzard, blitzer for the BBSC, FINALLY gets up from his turn 1 KO, and the game is over with another failed pickup."

"Yup. That's that folks. The elves play elfball, the underworld is left sitting on its claws, and that's it for the match. Nothing special or surprising here... it's elves, after all."

"I think I'm going to go down and interview that Animated Booger. Did you see the guts on that guy? He's got balls bigger than yours!"

"How do you know his are bigger?"

"Well, let me get out my microscope so I can compare yours to his..."

"Why you little...!"

(Snot makes a goofy face at the camera before running for his life, but Gorgaz has picked up the Gargantu-Gulp and dumped it on Snot, drenching him with the non-soda substance and covering him with the giant cup.)

"I've got you now, you wretched filthy skink!"

(The camera fades to black.)