"Welcome one and all again to another Blood Bowl throwdown. I'm your host Snot Sniffly, the reptilian wonder-skink, and with me is Gorgaz Toothfang, the orc who's also a dork. Wait a minute..."

(Gorgaz looks at Snot with an amused expression as if to say "You actually wrote that?" Snot is looking at his notes with the same expression.)

"... ... That's right, and today we're bringing you a refreshing change from the big bruisers, bigger beat-downs and biggest idiots on the pitch."

"Today we're someplace a little different... the Stunty Leeg! Full of small things with smaller brains, but big plays and bigger secret weapons. It will be a surprise if anything is left on the pitch to pick up the ball!"

"Today's rumble on the blood bowl pitch is between the forest goblins known as the Nuclear Party Foul and the Strigoyan calling themselves the Graverollingz."

"I've never understood why so many stunty little wretches gather around the bigger Strigoyan Lords. It's not like, y'know, we get HURT EASIER or anything..."

"It's a mystery to me as well. Granted, they're thralls, so it's not like they have any choice. We probably shouldn't question it."

"I dunno, you as a thrall would make you smarter..."

"The Forest Goblins are known for their spears and their spiders, but not much else. The Spiders are good at keeping things tied down (sometimes literally), while the shamans clear a path to the ball carrier through cages and the rest of them just stand there like stupid goblins and run around blindly."

"And how is that different than regular goblins?"

"Good point, the forest goblins just suck more!"

"The Nuclear Party Foul brings two spiders and four stabbers to the field, with the stabbers each a play on a sharp edged instrument. Meanwhile, Lord Vargus the Strigoyan Lord brings a bunch of tiny little thralls to the pitch... and look at that, the whole arena came out to support them. The Nuclear Party Foul is going to get clobbered."

"The Graverollingz win the toss and elect to receive today in the clear weather... and the goblins take no time in setting up and sending the match on its way. A kick straight up the middle is a high kick which comes up short, and right on the line of scrimmage. Caught by the thrall known as Carl, we're off and running."

"The Thralls set up a cage right on the line in earnest defense of the ball carrier, but the forest goblins are not afraid of a little dodging to get up close and personal with the ball."

"And here come the spiders! The Arachnostega and the Fake Werewolf... both a lot more dangerous than their mediocre strength would suggest. The Arachnostega sends a thrall down for the match as the goblins set up for a blitz, but a failed dodge leaves The Mutated Dwarf stunned and the thralls hit back. The stabbers are in range of Lord Vargus and can be wiped out very quickly as the Fake Werewolf, one of the spiders for the goblins... goes down stunned. Then Lord Vargus attacks... but it's just a push."

"And then a feeding on his own team mates! I am going to love it if he runs out of food..."

"The Stinky One fouls Lord Vargus as the Arachnostega trips over its own legs..."

"... That seems to be a common theme with these teams we cover. No one can stand on their feet and they hit the ground like a sack of bricks."

"The coach is screaming curses at nuffle as the Arachnostega falls down and the thralls work on pushing the goblins around. The ballcarrier is free to run as fast as its little legs can go to the endzone as both The Ironbreaker and Elan The Banjo God are KOed and sent to the goblin box to try and wake up."

"... But wait! There goes the Arachnostega! He quickly reaches the endzone and and pins Carl the ballcarrier down on the goal line and sideline. Carl manages to hold onto the ball, but a goblin, the spider and a shaman are all headed straight for him. The Mutated Dwarf is suckerpunshed by Lord Vargus as he finally gets back up, and he won't be seeing the light of day for the rest of the match."

"I'm surprised he's still going to be -able- to see the light of day, after that punch."

"These thralls are unafraid to get right up and hit their opponents, which is rare in most leagues, most of the time when you're this physically weak, you're trying to AVOID being hit. Especially when you're as stunty as these two teams are!"

"A failed dodge by Carl in the end zone means it's a loose ball as he is stunned by the spider... and the spider promptly forgets to pick up the ball that's right next to him! The shaman Mumbi Mumbo is forced to do the work, but another failed pickup means the thralls have a chance. Lord Vargus is PISSED. He bolts toward the ball, and walks right up to a spear wielding goblin with murder on his mind."

"That stabber is going to either eat his own spear, or stick it in the Strigoyan Lord's very own black heart."

"It deserves to go up its ass, the same way you do."

"Your fetish with undead butts is facinating, but let's focus on the game, hmmmm?"

"..."

"The thralls get closer to the ball and move to cut off reinforcements from the Nuclear Party Foul as the goblins are left scratching their heads... sometimes literally! The Fake Werewolf KOs Moe, a thrall, while the stabber closest to Lord Vargus guts him from end to end and he goes down stunned in pain. Mumbi Mumbo jokingly attempts a pass and predictably fumbles the throw, leaving the thralls another option to score."

"That's going to COST them as the thralls are fearless and head for the ball en masse."

"As we hit the second half of the first half..."

"I'd like to hit YOU into a couple of halves..."

"Save it for that babe who stiffed you on your date."

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!"

(The skink sticks his tongue out at Gorgaz.)

"... the thralls head for the ball. It's covered by Mumbi Mumbo..."

"It was that substitute cameraman, wasn't it? I'm going to kill him."

(Gorgaz is left muttering, cracking his knuckles.)

"I'll break his spine, vertabra by vertabra..."

"... aaaaaaand now it isn't as a solo thrall one-hit KOs him leaving the ball loose. The Troll Thrower, goblin for the Nuclear Party Foul, ends the night of another thrall as the Fake Werewolf moves to cover the ball and make sure no one else gets it. The Arachnostega follows suit and now BOTH spiders are covering it. I don't see how the Graverollingz can manage!"

"Then I'll pull out his anklebones and make him eat them..."

"The ball fails to be picked up, and bounces into The Stinky One's hands. The Fake Werewolf clobbers another thrall and sends HIM packing for the night... and in the closing moments of the first half we have a final shot. Unfortunately the thrall, Phil, fails... the goblins recover with Mumbi Mumbo attempting another pass... there's the longest pass I've ever seen...

"Then I'll rip his little rodent tail off, strangle him with it and feed him to a saurus!"

"HE CAUGHT IT! The Troll Thrower, goblin for the Nuclear Party Foul, caught the ball! And there he goes! Wait, no... he doesn't have enough time to make it to the end zone before the buzzer sounds and we're scoreless at the half as The Arachnostega kills a thrall to end it. Brilliant play or dumb, dirty luck? You decide."

(Halftime. The Gigant-O-Tron is advertising a stunty catapult in the shape of a troll, and a group of goblins use a slingshot to pitch T-shirts, each other, and the occasional unwilling halfling into the crowd. The crowd are armed with baseball bats today and are swinging at anything that flies close.)

"WHERE IS THAT LITTLE ROTTEN RODENT?!"

"Oh, calm down, greenskin. You won't be able to find him, I heard he's taking twenty days off back to back. Something about saving his skin."

"His skin is less valuable than yours, and that's saying something."

"Only because I'm still paid more than you."

"..."

"Don't feel bad. The Bloodweiser Babe that stood you up I hear got jumped by a pack of Ulfwerners and ended up in six different locations when they were done with her."

"You're not implying that..."

"Nah, they hired a amazon shamaness to cast a teleport spell that went wrong. They wanted her in their beer hall for the rest of the norsemen. What they got was pieces embedded in the walls. I think the dumb witch confused 'hall' with 'wall.'"

Somehow, I think that's a preferable fate. Anyway..."

(Halftime ends as a skink is slingshot back ONTO the pitch, and lands face first for a kill.)

"We're back, and now the thralls kick to the goblins and the goblins put their spears on the line hoping for kills. That way they can win by overwhelming numbers."

"The kick is a quick snap to the right side sideline, and the Arachnostega takes a minute or five to remember what it was he was supposed to do. He gets to the ball, tries to grab it and fails, then the thralls attempt to make some headway and -also- fail almost immediately. The stabbers can't get a hit on vargus, the ball goes loose and bounces away, and now we have an easy score within reach for the Graverollingz if they can get to the ball."

"The thralls come to the party and they brought their party favors... their FISTS. The Troll Thrower goes down stunned and... wow, there goes one of the thralls as Lord Vargus throws him... headfirst into the dirt stunned."

"That was funny to watch."

"Better that thing than you."

"Showing compassion for once?"

"No, because I think you'd enjoy the flight."

"Elan The Banjo God gets the ball and passes to He Who Sniffs Yetis (after fumbling the pickup), but Mister Knife goes to assist and fails a dodge instead. A one fisted punch from a solo thrall knocks down and stuns The Fake Werewolf; these thralls are nobody's wimps. He Who Sniffs Yetis is cornered at the sideline and he has to run for it, but before he can, one of the thralls BACKHANDS the Arachnostega to bring him down. Sure, the thrall might have been badly hurt in the process but the ball carrier is now undefended!"

(Both wince and Snot turns away after a nasty roundhouse by a thrall sends the ballcarrier to the ground.)

"There's the loose ball after He Who Sniffs Yetis goes down stunned... but the shaman Elan The Banjo God picks it up on the bounce and the goblins are still in the game!"

"For given values of game, this game sucks."

"Really? Did you just see that play? A spider stupids out and the other spider brings it upon himself to blitz a thrall into another thrall, sending the second thrall spiralling into the crowd!"

"I was watching the other goblins set up a defense and... ... THERE HE GOES! The shaman Elan The Banjo God is running for his life down the middle of the field in an empty thrall backfield! The spiders are angry and plaster Lord Vargus to the turf where a well placed foul puts him out for a little bit, sending him back to the sidelines to relax for just a little. Are we going to see the goblins add insult to injury by pitchclearing the... one... two... three..."

"Congrats, you can count to three."

(The orc just rolls his eyes.)

"The answer is yes, as one thrall fails a dodge and KOs himself, nine goblins cluster around a thrall and foul it with a stun, and the other thrall has yet to get up. The goblins stall while the fouling continues and continues and continues, only ending when the Stinky One is spotted by the ref. With nearly nothing left on the field to oppose them, this allows Elan The Banjo God to score. The thralls have a long-shot shot at this by attempting a thrall throw, but the gobs have set up in the back to prepare for this."

"Not gonna happen... it's a long kick far away from Lord Vargus, and... it's over. There's no way to get the ball to the thralls on the line as a foul by Lord Vargus gets him banned from the match and the Nuclear Party Foul goes nuclear on their opponents for a 1-0 win, sending the Graverollingz rolling into an early grave."

"That being said, I hope I don't come back to the Stunty Leeg for a bit. This match was boring."

"Not as boring as what you're going to do to that rat, I hope."

(The orc smirks.)

"Nothing more to say, really, so... this is Gorgaz Toothfang and Snot Sniffly for the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corp'ration..."

"Saying... hey, this is our 10th report, here's to ten more?"

(The skink pulls out a pie from under the desk and splats the orc full in the face with it.)

"Yummy... tastes like soon-to-be-piled-on skinks... wait a minute, what's this fuse?"

(The bomb in the pie explodes as the credits roll and Snot tears out of the newsroom at warp speed. Gorgaz's face is comically blackened, cartoon style, and his eyes are wide open, blinking every so often.)