(The sportscast booth is dark. The cameras are off, the lights are off. Outside the fans can be heard cheering as the Crown of Sand qualifiers take place. Enter Snot and Gorgaz, both wearing new suits.)

"... and so I said to her, 'is she really an amazon, or an Ulfwerner with manboobs?'"

"... Some days I don't get you, Snot. Wait, make that ALL days."

(The two get ready and take their places behind the desk as the monitors flicker to life.)

"So, when's the first battle for your beloved lizards, the Omegatani Punchfist?"

(Snot doesn't look happy as he shuffles papers in his claws and pulls a monitor close.)

"I hope they somehow come through. I put a lot of gold at stake for this match, but their opponents are vastly better, both in skills and in strategy. Elves dodge, lizards hit things. Can't hit if you can't catch!"

"Since when do you have enough gold for bets on this sort of high stakes qualifier?"

"Who said I was using MY gold?"

"... ... ... that better not mean what I think it means, lizard."

(Gorgaz goes to check his balance online while the camera turns on. Snot records a brief ad for the game.)

"Hi everyone, I'm Snot Sniffly and with me is the sidetracked Gorgaz Toothfang..."

"... ... you did. You really did."

(The orc just facepalms. His balance shows only about 600 gold pieces, far less than the six-digits he usually has.)

"And I'm here to mention that the Crown of Sand Qualifier is coming up soon here on the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corperation's flagship channel, available on crystal balls and other means of viewing all over the globe. The battle pits the Omegatani Punchfist lizards vs the elves of Madness to The Method in a winner take all for bragging rights, a step further to the Crown, and hopefully my wallet thicker despite the odds I'm seeing the bookies put out."

(Gorgaz takes his seat, rolling his eyes.)

"Going to murder you later, you greedy lizard..."

(He clears his throat, turning on his game voice.)

"That's right. Come witness the carnage as the Omegatani Punchfist take on the Madness to The Method, this Friday the 13th... heh, that's fitting, isn't it."

(Snot doesn't look happy, less so now that he realizes that it is a Friday the 13th.)

"... This Friday the 13th, at 01:00 Blood Bowl time, 7 PM in the Eastern Time Zone of the USA where both coaches are from. Will Coach Pizzamogul elfball his way to an easy victory, or will Coach Aegis's lizards put the punch behind their punchfists and reduce the elves to quivering blobs of elf goo fit only for ressurection by Nurgle?"

(A graphic appears on the screen showing an angry hyena snarling into the camera on one side, a pizza slice wearing a suit and sitting behind a desk on the other, with a big VS in gold letters between them.)

"And sometimes not even then!"

"Remember folks, Friday the 13th at 01:00, 7 PM Eastern. It should be a bloodbath (although I really would prefer the blood of the elves, but...) and a good time to have by all!

"Good time? Did you hear the whining Coach Aegis did after the match? He prides himself on complaining MORE if he's winning!"

(The little skink holds up a roll of duct tape.)

"After that last match? Problem. Solved. Extra sticky, just to be sure."

(The orc just grins.)

"One last time, this Friday the 13th, at 01:00 Blood Bowl time, 7 PM in the Eastern Time Zone. Bloodbaths, Blood Bowl, and plenty of carnage to go around! We'll see you there!"

(The camera pans to the Gigant-O-Tron in the distance at one end of the pitch, showing a graphic for the upcoming show. The mics are still on but Gorgaz and Snot don't realize it.)

"How in the hell did you hack my account, Snot?"

"I didn't. I bribed one of the bank managers instead, promising him half the proceeds. Then I ratted him out to his superiors. The same ones that have a trio of minotaurs as legbreakers; the resulting smackdown was funny to watch!"

"Not as funny as what's going to happen when I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

"Can't hit what you can't catch!"

(Snot runs out of the room with Gorgaz hot on his heels.)


=====================================================

Madness to The Method: https://fumbbl.com/p/team?op=view&team_id=683791
Omegatani Punchfist: https://fumbbl.com/p/team?team_id=788134


I'm down a sauri (not playing another match before then with these guys, so as to not risk Nuffle's wrath), so I figure I'll have to pick up a loner with all the inducement money I'm getting. I figure if I lose the opening toss I lose the game, but that's just the usual bias since I am on the receiving end of combat first. 360 inducement means if I get the loner though, I can't afford a chef. So do I go loner/wizard/cards, go for the chef, focus on Dirty Tricks... or something else? I dunno. Snap decision at opening kickoff, most likely.

On the other hand, he's just got the one guard, and if I can actually -injure- some of the positionals (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), I might have a shot at coming out on top. I'm not seeing it, but it'll be a fun game nonetheless (and I promise not to complain, and not because that damn skink stole my duct tape...)