"Welcome one and all again to another Blood Bowl bloodbath! I'm Snot Sniffly, best thing that ever existed..."

"Assuming by 'best' you mean stupidest..."

"... and today alongside my partner Gorgaz Toothfang we're watching another match featuring the Chewy Rat Soup. They took a pounding in their last game, losing the loners to the reaper and only managing to keep the tie due to the pouring rain. But at least both stormvermin are present for today's match as well as Team Captain Toilet Fingers, and..."

(A voice comes in over the loudspeakers, the signal usurped. A Borg tactical cube appears on the Gigant-O-Tron.)

"We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

"... say what? Wait, what in Khorne's beer vomit is THAT?!"

"Khorne drinks beer? I thought he drank blood."

(A small tactical cube appears in the sky and a team of Borg materialize on the pitch.)

"Uh... what in a werewolf's fur...?"

"It appears we have a new combatant, ladies and gentleorcs! It looks like these... things... Chaos Pact Maruders with... what appear to be weapons attached to their arms and eyes...?"

"I dunno, Gorgaz. Could those be considered secret weapons?"

"You go tell them they can't play. I'll stay here nice and comfy in this new chair."

(The skink shrugs and holds on to his headset, looking at a monitor.)

"The Borg win the toss and will receive the first half here on the Blood Bowl pitch. The rats waste no time in setting up and kicking, and excellent tactical analysis by the Borg allow for a bit of a brilliant edge. The Borg approach the ball and surround it, and appear to be studying it with their eyepieces as if it was going to get up and bite them."

"After seeing some of the mutations the Underworld teams bring to the pitch, it's certainly in the realm of possibility."

"The Borg knock rats down left and right and one attempts to pick up the ball with a specialized tool of some sort..."

"Have YOU seen how filthy those rats are? I wouldn't touch them with my bare hands either!"

"The Bladed Blade, rat ogre for the Soup, charges into the battle, and forces the ball to bounce to a spot where the gutters have an easier time of picking it up. Unfortunately the gutter runners cannot make it, and trip once AGAIN on their own tails as the ball bounces out of bounds, is bounced on the throw-in back to a loner rat, then back again along the sidelines. The Borg go on the offense a second time as One of... is this right?"

(The skink studies rosters in front of him, showing the Borg designations. He looks confused.)

"One of Sixteen picks up the ball, passes back to another chaos pact maruder... Borg... thing... and they step back to set up a proper defense. However, all the defense in the world won't stop angry rats such as Mikhail Cheesefrenzy, who is fighting mad after losing the last match. He weaves in, blitzes the ball carrier while supported by the gutter runners... and there's the ball popping loose! Ridge Runner grabs the ball and has no defense to aid him as he leans and weaves and... ... there he goes! He escapes with his life and the ball and runs out of range quite easily!"

"The Borg surround some of the others on the midfield in order to gangstomp them down, with half the Borg defense rushing backward in order to cut off Ridge Runner's sprint along the sideline."

"Run rodent run, you diseased little vermin!"

"The rest of Chewy Rat Soup dodges free and runs to defend their gutter runner, setting up a rather poor screen with the limited bodies they have. Ridge Runner continues bolting for the end zone and steps on his tail AGAIN... then wisely stops moving before he falls on his ass. I thought I said go for its, not even once! Stupid rats!"

"Ridge Runner has escaped but a lucky dodge by Seven of Sixteen will mean a ball drop for the rats... or maybe not, as they decide to ignore the ball carrier and instead knock out Team Captain Toilet Fingers while The Party Pooper, thrower for the rats, has been carted off the pitch in a twitching heap."

"Deciding not to risk Nuffle's wrath, Ridge runner sco... oh gods, he's stalling! He's stalling and running along the end zone line, taunting the Borg as he does so! IDIOT! SCORE, you FOOL!"

"The Borg begin to try and capitalize as The Bladed Blade brings down a... uh... borg, by falling on top of him. Then they charge. It's to no avail as Ridge Runner dances out of reach and continues to squeak out of range. They try a second time but all they do is push him around, and smartly push him into the end zone so they have a shot at tying the game. Ridge Runner taunts the Borg as they push, rats are 1 up for the match. It's 9 vs 11 and we're only at the half way point of the first half. Can the rats outplay these... machine... chaos... ... I don't even know."

(The standard "We are the borg" greeting plays over the loudspeaker and especially in Gorgaz's earpiece. Gorgaz pulls off his headphones with a disgusted look on his face and flips off the camera.)

"The rats set up for their kickoff, and after dusting themselves off, they set up and... the kick is... a BLITZ! HERE WE GO!

"That rat ogre looks angry."

"Don't they always?"

"The Bladed Blade blitzes one of the Borg but the... thing... just bends backward at his heels and snaps back up like a training dummy, tossing the rat ogre aside before, falling on top of him in what appears to be a questionable position. Both appear stunned and the rats can't really capitalize even though the gutters ran for their lives to where the ball is going to land."

"Horns-On-His-Tail rushes to the ball, but fails the catch as the ball drops to earth and the borg charge, first by knocking down the rats' offensive line. A loner rat is KOed while the rest are knocked down and the borg decline to follow, forcing another blitz as a solo attack next chance the rats get. Then they blitz and slam Horns DOWN and pick the ball UP. A failed attempt at getting out of range of the now angry rodents means the ball pops loose to the hands of another Borg, and the gutters are the only ones who can strike."

"If it's one thing the rats are good at, it's working under pressure. Acting in concert, the three gutters remaining strike at the ballcarrier... but only push him around as the Borg outnumber the rats and begin to slaughter the stormvermin. The rat ogre has yet to get up while the borg dogpile the rats that remain, and as Ridge Runner is stunned, Nine of Sixteen runs for it like a halfling running toward a feast. Now that they're in the rats' backfield now, it forces the stormvermin to get creative... but it is futile as He Who Slays Lizards tries to get close and falls over after failing to properly dodge. The Borg manage to score and get in some consolation hits before the clock ends for the half...

"Are some of the spectators... they weren't Borg earlier, were they?"

"And the rat ogre KOs Two of Sixteen as the Gutters practice passing. The loner rat manages to solo-foul KILL one of the Borg, but their... wait, what is that? That's not an apothecary I've ever seen...

(Some kind of Borg, appearing as a horrific doctor and blistering with arm needles, syringes and other tools, patches the fouled Borg up; apoths to BH)

"... and it's a 1-1 game at halftime."

("Go buy refreshments, you heathens!" displays on the Gigant-O-Tron but it looks like some Borg technology is sticking out of one end and the picture is half-static. Goblins and gnomes are hard at work with chainsaws and bombs trying to cut the Borg tech down, with predictable results. Both because of the Borg, and because they're, well, goblins.)

"We return with beverages in hand and pictures on the monitor as the rats set up for the second half and prepare to receive. How will they play this one... stalling for time, or score quickly and hope the Borg cannot adapt to their plays?"

"At least all four gutters are up, it should be interesting."

"only until they fall down like they've been doing."

"There's the kickoff... it's a high kick straight to Team Captain Toilet Fingers, and the rats begin their drive with determined looks on their faces. They surround the team captain, in a loose cage requiring good footwork on the part of the Borg to make a dent as the rat ogre slaps aside one of the offense. Like clockwork the Borg answer, surrounding the stormvermin and leaving only the gutters to defend their team captain."

"The Bladed Blade slaps aside another borg and covers a few more while... yep, there he goes. Team Captain Toilet Fingers runs into the backfield, with no defense. Brave little rodent..."

"New to the team, the linerat known as the Rat Faced Rat Fink charges randomly and blitzes a borg to knock back... but fails to dodge out and doesn't look both ways before crossing that street. The borg seem to ignore the ballcarrier, instead going for injuries... and sure enough Mikhail Cheesefrenzy gets sent to the KO box. The rest of the Borg smack the rat ogre back and tableflip him to the ground, then foul him. The ref catches it and the Borg seems to... did that thing just disappear?

"The rodents decided on a stalling play, and... why are the rats going BACK to midfield to lend assists where they will be slapped? The rat ogre gets back up, and assisted by the gutters, tries to tableflip a borg back... and..."

(Both of them wince as the Rat Ogre doubleskulls.)

"I've never seen anything strong enough to throw a rat ogre by its toenails."

"The Borg continue looking for injuries, knocking down rats left and right but it looks like the rodents are holding on as much as they can. A lone Borg goes to the backfield to chase the ball carrier down, and it looks like it's going to be a major blitz and run for Team Captain Toilet Fingers."

"There's the blitz, and there's the... nope, the Team Captain is unhurt as the Rats score, 2-1 as we hit the halfway of the second half, 9 rats vs 10... hey, are those... uh, things... changing their arm attachments before our eyes?

"That's one way to adapt to your opponents, I guess."

"The rats set up a fake out, setting up all the gutters along one line. There's the kick, aimed for the other side of the pitch away from the gutter runners, and..."

"Some more cheering fans for the Borg. The ball goes to midfield, as Nine of Sixteen grabs the ball in what looks like a metallic pincer...

(The view changes to a night-vision look from out of Nine of Sixteen's eyes, a range finder and all kinds of numbers and symbols flooding the margins of the screen. The word "PASS" appears in the middle of the screen surrounded by mathmatical equasions before we're back looking through the newsroom monitors.)

"Nine of Sixteen passes to Eight of Sixteen, who is very close to the gutter runners."

"The Borg have taken the bait, and the gutter runners swar-- wait! The Bladed Blade has broken loose and is going on a rampage! He plows through a Borg to get next to the ball carrier, huge prehensile tail slamming the ground and arcing upward in preparation of a tail slap. Ridge Runner goes for it in order to get in the way of dodging, but predictably falls over, leaving a pass option open to the Borg. Eight of Sixteen's got to get out of the rat ogre's way to do it though... instead he hands back off to another Borg, well out of the rat ogre's way. Then..."

(The ball is dropped on a GFI, and Snot jumps on the table holding his headset excitedly.)

"LOOSE BALL! The ball is free! The Skaven quickly capitalize, with Sewer Sniffer running to the far side where Team Captain Toilet Fingers grabs the ball and passes to Sewer Sniffer with a big grin on his face. Horns-On-His-Tail goes to play sacrifice to keep some Borg from dodging as the rat ogre breaks loose after he finally remembers he has Break Tackle. The rats set up a screen to protect Sewer Sniffer and it looks like it's all over but the squeaking, folks."

"The Iron Steelfist is stunned hard and then fouled off the pitch as the borg race to catch up and decide to assault Ridge Runner. It is for naught as Sewer Sniffer scores again, and the only thing left is one final kickoff. The borg go on the march after a brief setting up, and while the kick is too short to clear midfield, their hits are not effective. The rats walk away with a win 3 to 1, and I hope I never see those... THINGS again."

(The shot changes to a long view of the stadium, where 2/3 of the fans are now assimilated and Chewy Rat Soup has run for their lives.)

"Uh, where did all the fans go? All I see are fans of the Borg..."

"I think some of those fans were fans of the rats first... I think we'd better get out of here before we end up doing an impression of Nurgle and joining them unwillingly!"

"This is Snot Sniffly, for the Cr--"

(Gorgaz grabs Snot like a ball and tears out of the newsroom.)

"Yoink!"

(they run out of the newsroom a few seconds before some Borg beam in and stare into the camera, lens still cracked from the last match. The image becomes warped as they begin assimilating it before winking out altogether.)