"Welcome everyone to the Blood Bowl Pitch! I'm your best host ever, Snot Sniffly, and with me is Gorgaz Toothfang, with a brain the size of my pinky claw!"

"..."

"Today we're here to watch the battle of the living beer against the living dead. It's the Valkyrie Beerwolves of the harsh norse lands, versus the Red Bones Elite, a shambling pile of corpses, golems, and fuzzy, shedding-all-over-the-place werewolves. Did you see those norsemen on the way to the game, Gorgaz? They were having a belching contest that would make dwarves doublethink their recipes!"

"I wouldn't second guess the dwarves on beer brewing. I wouldn't first-guess the norsemen's skill at blocking though... those zombies are going to have problems, if not the wolves. It will be up to the wights of the team to take the hits."

"I dunno, Gorgaz. The norsemen aren't afraid, but rookie undead slayers they are not."

"Rookie anything, they are not. What are those things they're wearing, fur bikinis? That's not armor, that's..."

"Well they DID call themselves Valkyries... maybe they pattern themselves after their unconvincing armor?"

"Not with those man boobs they're not. They need an air hose for those things. Or maybe a good plastic surgeon."

"They're going to need more than a plastic surgeon after the undead are done with them on the pitch today..."

"The vikings lose the toss and will be kicking to the necromanticals... and there they go to set up, lining up all on the line of scrimmage like good little mindless beer drinkers."

"Are we talking dwarves, or norse?"

"Both?"

"You mean they can crossbreed? Ewwwwwww."

"..."

"It looks like the undead are setting up for a power play on the right side of the field with the flesh golems side by side and well away from the snow troll. With the wolves in the back ready to ballchase, the single runner of the norsemen jumps back and kicks off, aiming straight for the middle of the pitch.

"As fans cheer heavily to bolster the vikings, the ball is kicked behind the flesh golems, about as far from where he wanted the ball to go as possible. A werewolf charges one of the Ulfwerners, and WHAM, that blow knocked him into the next arena across town.

"That wasn't a hit, that was just a knockout. He's still breathing."

"For now."

"The norsemen charge the ball and the snow troll powers through, causing the ball to bounce, but can't make headway yet as lone Ulfwerner rushes to guard the ball and nearly trips on the astroturf while doing so. A werewolf charges headlong straight into the norsemen to play "gotta hit me first", and a failed pickup causes the ball to bounce behind a wall of wights."

"Two wights does not make a wall."

"But it does make a wrong, am I right?"

(The orc just shakes his head.)

"... you little..."

"Hey hey now, I shared my wager with you as promised!"

(The skink wriggles what would pass as eyebrows.)

"If by shared you mean gave it all to me like a good little skink. Now then. Two linemen go to work on the zombies. Genko The Stinky power-punches a zombie, and the Party Crasher rushes behind the wights, then the rest of the norsemen go to work on the wolves. Femore Red Bone lies stunned on the pitch but the wights were pushed out of tackle range allowing for them to defend."

(A flesh golem falls over on a doubleskull)

"Well, up until that flesh golem fell in a heap... its stitches must have popped loose."

"Zhenix the Speedy grabs the ball and makes off with it while the Snow Troll, known as The Shrike, pummels a flesh golem into bits. The golem regenerates as the rest of the norsemen deliver the boots to a downed wolf. Just a stun and the ref caught it, and Binky Brassfist, berserker for the norsemen, is out of the game. Let this be a lesson, kids. Learning to block BEFORE playing a game is useful! Surrounded by his teammates he runs to the end zone, where he obviously plans to stall unless the zombies get too close. The rest of the necromantical team is mostly down, with The Shrike slamming down Femore Red Bone again, and the rest of the walking dead can only stand up and hope Nuffle drinks all the norsemen's beer and forces a turnover."

"Another zombie is knocked out while Zhenix tauntingly dances alone along the goal line, and it doesn't appear that the dead are trying to stop the score. One of the flesh golems falls over itself again, and the norsemen capitalize. All of the dead are downed, and can only mostly get up; an angry wolf goes after the Ulfwerner still on the pitch but does nothing more than set up for a potential foul later. The rest of the norsemen have positioned themselves as a wall around the ball carrier, leaving him free to dance into the end zone any... minute... come on now..."

"How many times do I tell teams not to stall? It leads to hurt feelings. And various other parts of the body hurting, such as the internal organs."

"The undead make a last ditch attempt to hurt someone and it fails... ending with the runner hitting the end zone FINALLY and drinking... did a skaven just hand him some kind of beer?"

"I don't wanna know what that is, but it certainly ain't anything I'm drinkin'."

(Halftime. The Gigant-O-Tron is repeatedly flashing a pattern of random colors which cause thralls and vampires to fall over.)

"Who paid for that 'ad', the anti-vampire league or something? Still, those colors are kinda flashy."

(Carmeldansen plays over the loudspeakers.)

"Hey look, your favorite song!"

"Shut up, you."

(The orc does move his foot in time to the song, and the camera catches it just as the song is ending and the game resumes.)

"Anyway, we're back and now the undead are kicking to the Norsemen. Will Zhenix the Speedy play it cool and hide the ball, making it a game of chase?"

"You know dogs and their love of balls, both chasing them and licking their own."

"... or will they pummel through, relying on their superior skill to smash the dead into... er, more dead bits?"

"The kick is high as someone throws a rock, and a zombie on the line of scrimmage drops like, well... a rock! Fortunately the dead had set up for minimal offense, keeping the wolves behind the strong backs of the flesh golems. The runner goes for it and the match is on!"

"The lone berserker starts things off by stunning another zombie, while the other norsemen swing around wide to cover the wide zone defense the necromanticals are trying to put up. Zhenix has the ball and is supported by the Ulfwerners while The Shrike slams headlong into a flesh golem, reducing him to bits and pieces of stitched bits! Unusual for a snow troll, he stops where he is and decides not to go for it to help out the defense on one side of the field."

"Zone defense is a poor defense... normally. The other flesh golem charges, trying to wear a hole in the scant defense of the ball carrier while the rest of the undead throw a variety of punches and only succeeding in one."

"But what a one it was, sending the norse lineman straight into sleepytime, knocked out."

"The Ulfwerner known as He-Who-Skins-Trees powers through the zombie 'offense' (or lack thereof), supporting an attack against a necromantical werewolf and making sure he can't get near Zhenix The Speedy... who appears to be juggling the ball... with his legs! One of the Red Bone werewolves dodges away and slips around against Zhenix but only pushes him along the sidelines, forcing a dodge."

"The wight KOs a lineman as He-Who-Skins-Trees blitzes a wolf, and Zhenix the Speedy scores a second time with little to no threat to himself."

"Maybe not to himself but he's sure a threat to others!"

"The norsemen set up on the line, with The Shrike right in the center and ready to rip the undead into meaty little chunks. Just as the ball is set to be kicked, there is a riot in the stands and it takes a little bit of time for it to calm back down. Usually they stop these things by killing the rioters, turning them undead and commanding them to shut the hell up."

"Just like how I wish YOU would shut up. The kick goes to the middle of the backfield and lands between the two wights, and... the dead are motionless!"

"Up there, in the stands! It's the necromantic coach of the Red Bones Elite! He's... wow, I was making a joke when I said to kill the rioters and make them undead. With his concentration not on the game to command his troops, the dead do nothing but stand there!"

"I guess he was bored of the bad performance he got from the Zombies R. Us down there."

(Note: My opponent clicked End Turn by mistake. I am NOT going to put aside an advantage like that, even if it seems a little sketchy.)

"Genko The Stinky grabs the ball! He's going for it, and the Valkyrie Beerwolves are on the prowl! They quickly position themselves to force the wights to dodge out as Genko holds onto the ball for dear life!

"The wights successfuly dodge out and set up a blitz, but the blocking skill of the booze guzzlers comes through as the norsemen surrounds the wights and set up a foul for one of the werewolves. Before the foul can happen, He-Who-Skins-Trees is knocked down by a zombie who hit where he wasn't looking. The dead then stand up, the wights get mad, BOOM goes the bony fist into the face of the... no, it splintered and shattered against the ball carrier's face."

"This does leave the flesh golem an opening to assault He-Who-Skins-Trees, and Trees is down with a KO. It's a moot point as the Valkyrie Beerwolves foul the wolf again and the Party Crasher trips over his own feet trying to go for it, DENYING the boozers a shot at a third touchdown in the closing seconds of the half!

"The Valkyrie Beerwolves, intent on KEEPING the dead in their graves, go to work pushing the undead around and fouling the werewolf one last time. While they do this it gives the remaining flesh golem a CLEAR path to the ball carrier, standing right there on the end zone line and blind to the obvious."

"Like how ugly you are."

"The flesh golem charges, its neck electrodes sparking, and... and... A PUSH straight up the middle! The ball carrier is knocked into the end zone still holding onto the ball! The Valkyrie Beerwolves win the match 3-0, and the dead have a reason to be tormented eternally. Maybe next time."

"If there IS a next time. Look at the way the necromancer is all fuming and hopping mad!"

"This is Gorgaz Toothfang..."

"... and Snot Sniffly, for the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corp'ration..."

"Wow, look at that Necromancer go, tormenting the dead he himself raised as they head to the locker room..."

(Both of them are staring at the monitor. Snot turns away, recoiling. The camera zooms out, the show over as credits roll.)

-((No, I don't feel bad about capitalizing on that misclicked End Turn by my opponent. I was already winning 2-0 in the last part of the half when it happened, I'd feel bad about if it had a chance to affect the game. But at that point, it was a moot mistake and I was going to seize the advantage.))-