Green Dukes Remain Winless With Grinding 2-1 Loss to Falconorcs

The Duqueswood University Green Dukes dropped to 0 – 2 – 3 in the NCBB Season 43, as they were out rushed and out bashed in a 2-1 loss to the Air Force Falconorcs. Despite jumping out to a 1-0 lead in the first half on a surprising touchdown from Junior lineman Kiroic Rainwarlker (creative foliage), the Green Dukes could not hold off the more physical orc squad on two bruising long touchdown runs by freshman blitzer Panther Jr. and junior thrower White Knight.


White Knight scores the winning touchdown with an impenetrable cage of fellow orcs surrounding him

“Their cage was just too much for us,” said Green Dukes Coach Gerric Smithson after the game. “Heck, we’d have trouble breaking through a cage of halflings right now, so breaking a cage or orcs was kind of like throwing dandelions at an anvil.”

Duqueswood’s only touchdown came on a broken play in the first half after sophomore thrower Bryden Branch (quantitative root-conomics) ran out of potential receivers to throw to and was forced to connect with Rainwalker for the first TD of his career. The play started off strongly, with Branch well protected and both wardancers and receivers spreading the field on passing routes. However, the Falcanorcs quickly tracked down those receivers and didn’t so much cover them as rather thoroughly stomp them into the pitch.

Freshman receiver, Scootyr Spinleaf (undeclared), the younger brother of the Duqueswood captain Mirlin Spinleaf (tree bark studies), had his left ear ripped off and gouged into his eye by senior big un blocker Kitten, who enjoyed two casualties on the day. Sophomore wardancer Angorn Windfoot (undeclared) was sandwiched by senior big un blocker Flying Tiger and senior blitzer Top Dog, which left him on the pitch in an unconscious heap. And the elder Spinleaf suffered what appeared to be a broken leg, when Top Dog then blitzed him and drove his shoulder spike into Spinleaf’s thigh.


Windfoot is sent airborne as Flying Tiger and Top Dog make a wardancer sandwich, topped with a heaping helping of blood as its only condiment

With all of his best weapons neutralized, Branch made a desperate handoff to Rainwalker, who broke into the clear, advancing the ball deep into Falconorc territory. Duqueswood might have been tempted to run down the clock before scoring, but Branch was shoved into the crowd by senior blitzer Black Sheep, who laughed maniacally, as Falconorc fans stomped on Branch’s throat. With only five of his teammates remaining on the field, Rainwalker ran across the goal line to give Duqueswood an early 1-0 lead.

“It’s a next-elf-up mentality on this team,” said Rainwalker after the game. “I may not be able to jump over the opposition like Spinleaf and Windfoot, but when there’s nothing between me and the endzone, I can score just as well as the next elf.”


Rainwalker scores the first TD of his Green Dukes career

With Windfoot out, the Green Dukes did their best to hold the Falconorcs off on the ensuing kick-off. But the much more physical orcs proved too much for the best elf-curtain defense Duqueswood could throw together. Advancing the ball across midfield relatively unopposed, White Knight then handed the ball to Panther Jr., who broke through the elves’ defense to even the score before half time.

The Falconorc’s second half drive was just as punishing and even more methodical than their first half score. Advancing the ball slowly up field in a six-orc cage that proved impenetrable even to the aerial acrobatics of Spinleaf and Windfoot, who recovered from his KO in time to come out for the second half. White Knight slowly milked the clock, as the Falconorcs littered the pitch with prone elves. Poised in the redzone with seconds to go, White Knight withstood one final high-flying cage leap by Windfoot, who vaulted over Panther Jr. to make a play on the ball, but failed to strip the football from the sure-handed orc. As the final whistle blew, White Knight stomped across the goal line, reared back his head, and roared to the thrilled Falconorc crowd.

The loss set Duqueswood back to 0 - 2- 3 on the season, making the team’s chances of earning a bowl game this season all but impossible. Not surprisingly, Coach Smithson wasn’t eager to discuss those chances or much of anything else as the postgame press conference wore on.

“We’re on to UCF,” Smithson said tersely, repeating the phrase over and over until the scribes ran out of questions.

“Does today’s loss reveal that you’ve clearly been relying too heavily on your wardancers and failing to develop any other threats on this team?” the scribes asked.

“We’re on to UCF.”

“Are you worried about the fact that Spinleaf’s bone was sticking out of his flesh after the game?”

“We’re on to UCF.”

“What about the fact that the bone was glowing green? Does that concern you?”

“We’re on to UCF.”


Coach Smithson ended his postgame press conference with a simple refrain: “We’re on to UCF”

Next up, the Green Dukes travel to UCF for the Turf Stomp Tussle, a rivalry game that grew out of last year’s match when UCF junior human lineman Andrew Dickerson was tossed from the game after he stomped on Spinleaf’s neck.

Additional Game Note

Mirlin’s Mysterious Injury

After his leg was repaired in the first half, Spinleaf reaggravated the injury in the second half, and several onlookers claimed they could see part of his fractured femur protruding from his bloody thigh. Duqueswood University officials have denied that Spinleaf suffered a second injury and attested that he will be ready for the next game. What’s more concerning, however, given Spinleaf’s recent training sessions with disgraced former gutter runner Skreet Cheeseclaw, is that several scribes also noted that Spinleaf’s bone appeared to be glowing bright green, which would indicate potential warpstone dust abuse on the part of the junior wardancer. As noted above, Coach Smithson had no comment on the brewing controversy.