Delfs Hold Off Raiders 1-0 to Claim Bonehead Season II Championship
Special Herald Bonus Bonehead Bowl Coverage

The dark elves of Delfs 2 held the Orcland Raiders scoreless in a hard-fought match to win the Bonehead Bowl 1-0 and lift the season II trophy. The Delfs’ winning TD came from blitzer Lindir FinFanFoom, who found paydirt in the first half on a 20-yard run that would be the game’s only score. In a strange reversal of expectations that has left many Blood Bowl sages scratching their heads until they bleed, the Raiders orc squad was able to out-rush and out-pass their elven opponents, but the Delf’s were actually often the more physical squad on the pitch, out-blocking the orcs 28-20 on the day.


FinFanFoom scores the game’s lone TD, running backwards so that he can taunt the orcs he left behind him.

“This should come as no surprise to anyone who truly understands the game,” said Delf blitzer Pill Vicari, who led his team with 8 blocks on the day. “They may be green, and they may snarl, and they may shout waaagh, and all that may impress the small folk, but at the end of the day, we Druchii thirst for blood and violence as much as any green-skinned brute. We just do it with a little more style.”

Following a touchback on the opening kick, FinFanFoom took the ball and tried the northern sideline, seeking an edge as his blockers tried to collapse the northern half of the orc defense. The Raiders easily rebuffed the Delfs’ advance, however, establishing a snarling green wall of rage along the midfield stripe, and forcing FinFanFoom to reverse field.

After testing the orc wall a few times, the Delfs finally established a screen along the southern sideline, and FinFanFoom sprinted around the edge and into striking distance with just a few minutes to go in the half. Undaunted, the Raiders defense swarmed the screen, blocking FinFanFoom’s path along the sideline and marking every one of his blockers.

The Delfs’ opening drive looked likely to end without a score as they were penned in like livestock awaiting the slaughter, but then the team's witch elves struck. Hebelin Wastik lashed out with razor-tipped fingers and clawed at Raider blitzer Krug Painspear’s face. Blinded by his own blood, Painspear stumbled back toward the sideline, and Wastik followed up with flying knee to the chin. The blow sent Painspear into the stands, where he was quickly beaten into unconsciousness by a family of dark elves in attendance.

“We were going to just torture some of our human captive scum like we do every Sunday, but then I heard there were tickets for this Bonehead Bowl thing, and I thought why not bring the family out for some sport,” said the family’s father. “We had a blast. My little son, Timyn, even got to tear off that orc’s ear after we knocked him out. Kid’s only four, but what can I say? I’m proud. Just a great day of family fun.”


Wastik rakes Painspear’s face with her razor-tipped fingers moments before sending him off the pitch with a knee to the face

Not to be outdone, the Delfs’ second witch elf Iludi Kippe turned a backflip to dodge away from the three orc lineman who were preparing to remove one or more of her limbs. Then she blitzed toward Gort Skullhack, who was blocking FinFanFoom’s path down the sideline. With a lightning quick lunge, she struck Skullhack’s throat with the side of her hand, sending the orc down in a gasping heap right where he stood.

Closed in by Skullhack’s prone body and the hulking, raving, very much not prone body of Skullhack’s brother big ’un blocker Ulfric Skullhack, FinFanFoom made a desperation move and jumped over the fallen orc. The fleet footed elf flew over one brother and ducked under the other one’s right hook, landing cleanly on the other side with only green grass before him. Turning to taunt the orcs now behind him, FinFanFoom then ran backwards into the end zone to put the Delfs up 1-0.

“Getting a touchdown that way was truly wonderous,” said FinFanFoom. “But the best part was being able to do it all without one of those foul creatures even touching me.”

The ‘foul creatures’ did have enough time left in the half for a chance to tie the game, and in the process the orcs got downright elfy. Orc thrower Grisnack Goblin-throttler corralled the ball deep in Raider territory, as Varag Ghoul-Chewer Jr., Ugrain Kneebender, and Gort Skullhack all raced up field on deep pass patterns. Then Goblin-throttler raced forward and made a quick pass to Kolath Headripper Jr., who sprinted deep into Delf territory and handed the ball to Ghoul-Chewer Jr. With elf-like hand-eye coordination, Ghoul-Chewer Jr. caught the hand-off, but with rather un-elf-like dexterity he tripped as he tried to dodge away from a dark elf lineman, falling to the pitch as the half ended.


Goblin-throttler makes a perfect pass to nearly help the Raiders tie the game at halftime.

“Me not like run away from opponent—feels weird,” Ghoul-Chewer Jr. said of his failed dodge that could have given the Raiders a huge edge going into half time. “Me like better run through opponent.”

Receiving the kick in the second half, the Raiders quickly settled into a more traditional orc offense. Goblin-throttler took the ball into a cage of blockers near midfield, and the rest of the orcs began bashing every dark elf they could get their hands on. When Ulfrik Skullhack knocked out a dark elf lineman with a vicious forearm to the temple early in the half, it looked like the Raiders would start to assert their physical dominance.

But the Delfs responded by knocking out a pair of orc lineman themselves. Inspired, the dark elf squad stopped retreating and stood toe to toe with the slowly advancing wall of orc aggression. The strategy was a big gamble. It could either slow the orc offense, or it could speed up the amount of dark elf blood spilled on the pitch.

In what looked to be a defining moment for the match, dark elf lineman Oriratu Fizban paid off his coach’s gamble by standing up to big ’un blocker Skullhack, who had nearly 2 feet and 200 pounds on him. Skullhack charged forward, aiming his shoulder spike at Fizban’s throat. Rather than dodging away, Fizban stood his ground, ducked under the spike, and drove his own helmet up into Skullhack’s chin, knocking the hulking brute to the pitch in a spray of blood.

With a cheer to the glory of Khaine, the dark elves surged back against the advancing orc line, sending more orcs to the pitch. The push forced Goblin-throttler to retreat and cut back across the field, as his blockers regrouped, but then the dark elves perhaps got a little too dark.

When Delf lineman Tanda Jeliala was ejected from the game for stomping on Skullhack’s throat as he lay on the pitch, the Raiders re-established control. Enraged, Skullhack scrambled to his feet and took down a dark elf lineman with a vicious clothesline that nearly removed his head. That block and several others offered a crack along the southern sideline, and Goblin-throttler raced that way, bringing the ball within striking distance in the game’s closing seconds.

Having held their own punch-for-punch with the orcs, it was now time for the dark elves to do what they do best. Dodging away from the brutes, they assembled a defensive column formation along the entire southern half of the goal line, making a touchdown impossible without a series of high-risk dodges.

“Well, there’s a time to spill the blood of your foes and revel in their cries of agony,” said FinFanFoom after the game. “But then there’s a time to not get punched in the face by an orc. That’s just smart blood bowl.”


The Raiders and the Delfs stare one another down as the Delfs attempt to make a goal-line stand to hang on for the victory

With the clock winding down its final seconds, the orcs glared at the dark elves. The dark elves glared back. The orcs growled, snarled, spit and slavered as they shouted threats. The dark elves jeered and dared their green-skinned foes to come forward. Time seemed to stand still, as the fate of the game and the entire season hung in the balance, and then suddenly orc blitzer Krug Painspear charged forward.

But he didn’t throw a block. Instead, Painspear tried to dodge in among his opponents to set up a chain block that would clear a path for Goblin-throttler to score the tying touchdown. It was a brilliant maneuver, unexpected and unheard of for a team whose entire strategy has long relied simply on the “Raiders Rules” (“1. Cheat 2. Cheat some more. 3 While yer at it, lay the boot in.”)

It also, alas, was doomed to fail. The Delfs easily tripped up Painspear, and the final whistle blew as he crashed to the ground. With that, Delfs 2 completed a near perfect championship season. With 7 wins, no losses, and 3 ties on the year, they now claim the Bonehead Season II trophy and are league champs.

The Mayemi Herald scribe we sent to cover the game would like to extend his congratulations to both teams. However, he cannot because he disappeared shortly after entering the Raiders locker room to ask them what went wrong in the game and what adjustments they might make in the future.

Fortunately, the scribe’s severed tongue was recently sent to the Herald with an answer to his final question. Scrawled in blood on a piece of fabric nailed to the tongue were these final words from Raider captain Grisnak Goblin-throttler: “Next time, more simpler strategy—go back to playing dirty hurty style.”