Nereid-fins Unleash Passing Game Mixed With Magic, Flame, Carnage to Salvage 1-1 Tie Vs. Monday Mournings

Despite a slew of miscues and a ball that seemed to bounce everywhere but where they needed it, the Mayemi Nereid-fins scored their first TD of the Bonehead League season to force a 1-1 tie with Monday Mournings. The Monday Mournings chaos renegade squad got its TD from Miss Fortune on a long run, during which the human renegade lineman evaded a pair of elven blitzers as well as a feral squirrel. Outblocked 34-17, the Nereid-fins suffered 9 KO’s and injuries but managed a late equalizer from catcher Jaylyn Woodyl on a pass from blitzer Rahor Mossheart.


Miss Fortune runs for the TD after kicking away Akhorne the Squirrel and his furious attempt at an ankle-biting blitz

“Gotta love the way this team came together today to force the tie,” said Mayemi Coach Mickon McDenial. “It only took four attempts to pick up or catch the ball, about a half-dozen failed dodges, and one perfect pass—oh, yeah, and a 15-foot wide fireball descending from the sky on our opponents at just the right moment. That helped a bit too.”

Things looked promising early for Mayemi when the team executed a perfect onside kick to open the game and Woodyl caught the ball surrounded by three blockers in Monday Mournings territory. However, when blitzer Jalyn Killyps whiffed on a block and instead caught a forearm shiver to the mouth from a renegade lineman, things quickly fell apart.

“I was truly shocked by that failed block,” said Killyps after the match. “First of all, you would think that cursed human rabble like that would have the decency to stand still when an elven lord is trying to block it, but then for it to have the impudence to actually strike me! Is there no etiquette left in this game?”


Jalyn Killyps is appalled at being struck by a human renegade lineman. Moments later he would be appalled on the ground

With Woodyl now exposed, Monday Mournings were quickly able to bash the catcher from all sides, knocking the ball loose and having it bounce right into the waiting arms of their two-headed skaven, Rodney. Mossheart danced around three blockers and delivered a flying kick to the back of one of Rodney’s heads, and the ball was loose again. But once again the ball bounced into a throng of chaos renegades, and Miss Fortune easily grabbed it from the pitch.

From there, Monday Mournings asserted their physical advantage, as their rat ogre, minotaur, and troll pounded elves into the pitch as easily as if they were playing with their own droppings (which a rank smell emanating from the field indicated that their troll, Hangover, may have also been doing). Despite a desperate backside blitz from Akhorne the Squirrel, whom Mayemi had hired along with a wizard for the match, Miss Fortune was easily able to kick the rodent away and cross the goal line to put Monday Mornings up 1-0 halfway through the first half.

“It’s pretty tough to put up much of a defensive stand when they have a troll, a minotaur, and a rat ogre and the best we can throw at them is a squirrel,” said McDenial. When asked whether his lordly players believing that their opponents should not be allowed to touch them also makes it tough to play defense, he replied, “No comment.”

Mayemi had a chance to even the score before half-time, driving into Monday Mournings territory on a pass from thrower Tya Tyngafarthrowa to Mossheart. However, a dazzling, multi-dodge blitz from Rodney ended the threat. Making good use of both of his heads to avoid three Nereid-fin blockers, Rodney whipped his tail around Mossheart’s ankles as he delivered a solid rat paw to the elf’s face.

“There should be some sort of regulation on the number of heads players are allowed to have,” said Mossheart, who has had his fill of two-headed rats after facing Hakflem Skuttlespike last week. “At the very least, it should only be allowed if both heads are as handsome as mine.”


Tya Tyngafarthrowa throws for his first completion of the season as orc renegade lineman Yaaagrha charges toward him

Despite being down 1-0, holding a wizard in their back pocket still gave Mayemi a solid chance in the second half if they could manage a quick score after receiving the kick. Unfortunately, after a promising start, their plans for that quick score fizzled, when elven catcher Faylyn Woodyl dropped a hand-off from Mossheart wide open in Monday Mournings Territory.

“I really expect Faylyn to make that play,” said a perplexed McDenial after the game. “I mean, he bobbled it at first, but he still had a chance to make the catch and still dropped it. It was almost as if he dropped it twice. There’s a college coach I know who’s dealt with this kind of thing. He says the elves have a phrase for it in their language. They call it ‘wrolyn dubyl wunz.’ Not sure what the literal translation is, but I definitely don’t like the sound of it.”


Elven “catcher”Faylyn Woodyl bobbles the ball moments before dropping it to the pitch

With the ball on the pitch, the game quickly descended into a scrum as both teams bashed each other while trying to take possession. The loose ball was still bouncing around the bloody grass, and three more elves had been KO’d or injured by the minotaur and troll when Coach McDenial finally decided to unleash his wizard in the game’s final minutes.

The hunched, bearded old man beside the Mayemi bench chanted in an ancient tongue, and a 15-foot wide ball of flame fell from the sky. The fireball crashed down upon the minotaur and troll, as well as Monday Mournings' orc lineman, Yaaagrha, goblin Defoe, and a loner lineman, who were all crouching over the ball to keep the elves at bay. In an explosion of fire, blood, and a at least few body parts, all were knocked prone, stunned, or KO’d, except for the troll, Hangover, who seemed to mistake the ruckus for his own flatulence.

With the ball now unguarded on the pitch, and Hangover turning his head to check to see if he’d yet again soiled himself, Mossheart charged forward and scooped up the ball. Spotting Woodyl on the other side of the troll, the elven blitzer tossed the ball high above the troll, and this time, Woodyl caught it. With a quick one-handed cartwheel to dodge away from Hangover, Woodyl raced away toward the end-zone, tying the game in the closing seconds.


Rahor Mossheart rears back to throw the ball over Hangover, as Woodyl waits for the pass on the other side of the troll

“As someone with a taste for the smoky elven dreamwine of Ulthuan, I have to say I have plenty of experience dodging hangovers,” said Woodyl to the groans of all the scribes gathered for the postgame press conference. “See what I did there? The troll … his name was Hangover … and I dodged him … Get it? Get it?” The scribes all quickly exited as Woodyl continued speaking to the empty room: “I guess high elven humor is just too complex for you lot.”