Aggressive Gameplan Dooms Green Dukes in 2-1 Loss to Bueller State

The Duqueswood University Green Dukes opened NCBB Season 46 with an injury-filled 2-1 loss to the Bueller State Skippers after an early aggressive gameplan backfired on the elven squad. The Skipper human team got their TDs from catchers Sheldon Cage and Dauson Booker, out-blocking the Green Dukes 33 to 13 and producing 12 combined KOs and casualties on the day. Junior wardancer Dethwyntyr Whitebranch (elven military science—RETC) chipped in Duqueswood’s lone TD on a dazzling, multi-dodge run that was the lone bright spot, as the Green Dukes failed 9 of 33 dodges in the game.


Whitebranch dodges past a Skipper defender along the sidelines on his way toward the Green Dukes’ lone touchdown.

“That’s just not winning elf ball,” said Duqueswood Head Coach Gerric Smithson after the game, critical of his team's agility outside of Whitebranch. “Elves that can’t dodge are about as useful as a steamworks without a boiler, if you know what I mean.” Smithson then studied the blank stares of the elven press corps, most of whom have never encountered such a contraption and would likely be horrified if they did. “And ... you have no idea what I mean,” he then went on. “So never mind.”

Things looked promising early for the Green Dukes, when junior wardancer Curswyn Redgrass (independent study—vengeance) broke into the Skippers’ backfield and took down Mylick Mitchell with a flying elbow to the side of the head. Despite recovering the ball, and breaking deep into Skipper territory, junior line-elf Lyric Birdsong (ancient fae studies) was caught from behind by blitzer Deion Small, who separated her from the ball and her senses with a brutal touchdown-saving tackle.


Birdsong falls short of the endzone after Small catches her from behind

Moments later, Redgrass still had had a chance to scoop up the ball and score, but he could not secure it, accidentally booting the ball into sophomore thrower Phaedry Featherwind’s (plant psychology) hands. Caught flat-footed, Featherwind was quickly knocked to the pitch by several Skippers, who regained possession and managed to score before the halftime whistle, knocking all but 3 Green Dukes out of the game on their way to the endzone.

“Looking back, I feel like we might have been playing two different games,” said Birdsong, as she held a poultice to her bleeding head after the game. “We were trying to get our hands on the ball so we could score, and they were trying to get their hands on our heads so they could crush our skulls. Each season, I’m learning more and more about this fascinating sport and the many different strategies that can lead to victory, and—in our case—defeat.”


Booker celebrates in the end zone after scoring the Skippers' first TD at the end of the first half

Despite being out manned and out-maneuvered in the second half, the Green Dukes managed to even the score on a desperate hand-off and touchdown run along the northern sidelines. Hemmed in and out numbered near midfield along the northern sideline, Featherwind handed the ball to Whitebranch who was marked by two Skippers but still managed to secure the ball, escape a would-be tackler in a series of three spinning dodges, and sprint across the goal line.

“Yeah, that was pretty much how we drew that one up,” said Coach Smithson. “We call that play … uh … ‘hand the ball to your wardancer, close your eyes, and pray.’ Some people call it ‘elf BS,’ which, of course, stands for … ‘bold strategy.’ ”

Down 5 players, the Green Dukes still had a chance to win when Smithson continued his aggressive play calling and sent Whitebranch on a desperation blitz on the Skippers' next possession. Despite leaping over blockers and breaking deep into Bueller State territory, Whitebranch tripped just inches away from the Skipper thrower. The thrower then stepped over a stunned Whitebranch, easily advanced the ball up field, and connected with Cage for the winning score.

Another bright spot on the loss for the Green Dukes was the play of freshman treeman Mirlin Weatherborn (tree-bark studies), the reincarnated former wardancer team captain, who chose to change his name after a falling out with his family. Weatherborn led the team with 6 successful blocks including one late-game block that separated a Skipper blitzer’s head from his body (though the Bueller State apothecary was able to successfully re-attach it on the sidelines).


Resurected wardancer-turned-treeman, Mirlin Weatherborn looks quite comfortable in his new bark, trading his former speed and agility for strength and violence, as he delivers what he calls a “beech-slap” to the side of a Skipper blitzer’s head

“I’m still getting used to this body,” said Weatherborn after the game, speaking much more quickly and easily than his graft-father, Oakward Weatherborn. “My spirit still wants to run like the wind, to fly like the very breath of the forest, but with these thick wooden limbs … I guess I’ll just have to settle for bashing some heads in. Oh yeah, and I understand as a treeman now, I’m obligated to throw in a few tasty arbor-related puns from time to time. So that move is one I’m calling the ‘beech-slap.’ ”