Nereid-fins Lose 1-0 to BrewKings on Walk-Off TD

The Mayemi Nereid-fins fell 1-0 to the Barak Varr BrewKings on a last second TD to end their glorious tie-streak and fall to 0-3-3 in the Bonehead League. Dwarf blitzer Thrundin Gemstar scored the game’s lone touchdown to give the BrewKings the win in a game they dominated physically, out-blocking the elves 32-13. Despite being in the game until the very end, Mayemi managed to rush for a disappointing net 0 yards, as blitzer Jalyn Killyps carried the ball for 4 yards, and line-elf Aryn Brewyr ran for -4.


Thrundin Gemstar runs for the game-winning touchdown in the game’s closing seconds.

“It’s going to be tough to win a game when you move the ball a total of zero yards,” said Nereid-fin Coach Mickon McDenial after the game. “Seems like something an ogre team could manage to do, but it’s definitely not a winning strategy for elves.”

The first half looked promising enough for Mayemi as they were able to stifle the BrewKings opening drive. After securing the kick, dwarf runner Ragnar Steelfist was forced to waddle from one sideline to the other, as the speedy Nereid-fin defense assembled columns of defenders in his path. Then the elves struck.

With a slight opening in Steelfist’s cage as he tried to cross midfield, elven blitzer Jaylyn Killyps circled around the dwarven blockers to find an opening on the runner’s flank. He delivered a spinning roundhouse kick to the back of the dwarf’s helm, sending him and the ball forward onto the pitch. After a brief scrum, Brewyr secured the ball, and backed away from the furious dwarf blockers, who’d already KO’d two elves and badly injured a third in the fight for the ball.


Jaylyn Killyps frees the ball with a flying kick to the back of Ragnar Steelfist’s head

“I saw their coach take out the great book of grudges on the sideline and write upon its pages,” said Brewyr. “I knew not whether it was my name or Rahor’s, but I thought it best to merely back away from the fray and issue apologies to all the stout little fellows.”

As Brewyr retreated all the way into his own end zone calling out “sorry” and “I meant no offense,” the BrewKings cordially introduced his teammates to their mailed fists and knuckle dusters, littering the field with prone and stunned elves. By the closing seconds of the half, Brewyr’s only option was to sprint forward and attempt a deep pass to catcher Odyl Bekym, the only Mayemi player who’d managed to get down field into scoring position.

Still focused mainly on apologizing, Brewyr cocked his arm back and cried out, “Please don’t be insulted if this works!” Speaking, trembling in fear, and throwing at the same time proved too much for the line-elf. The ball slipped out of his hand and fell to his feet, as the half ended 0-0.


Aryn Brewyr fumbles the pass while apologizing profusely to his opponents

Mayemi was still in a strong position as they received the second half kick with 8 players still able to stand and take the field. Killyps grabbed the ball quickly, and the team settled back deep in their own territory, trying to avoid contact for as long as possible. As the BrewKings lumbered forward, Killyps waited until midway through the half, and then cut toward the northern sideline to try to get the edge.

“They always say we elves just try to cowardly run away from our dwarf opponents, but this vicious slander is far from true,” said Killyps of his approach on the drive. “Sometimes, we try to run around them.”

As Killyps neared midfield, he was close to doing just that but needed to escape a throng a dwarf defenders closing in on him like a fist gripping a glittering gem. Killyps tried to juke past runner Jakob Bugman and spin away from Barodin Granite-chin, who was closing in from behind. But Granite-chin was able to get enough of his stubby-fingered hand on Killyps ankle to trip him.

With Killyps and the ball on the ground, the dwarves and elves battled for possession in the closing minute of the game. For a moment, Granite-chin had it, until Mossheart staggered him with an uppercut, sending his beard flailing and the ball flying. Killyps and dwarf blitzer Gotrek Blitzby then bobbled the ball back and forth before it settled just on the BrewKings side of the pitch.

With only seconds left in the game, it looked like the Nerid-fins would add a fourth game to their tie-streak, but then on the sidelines, the BrewKings coach pounded his fist against the book of grudges and called out, “We shall not be insulted by a bunch of elves!” Inspired, the dwarves began to rally. A new energy entered their stunted legs and arms. They set about the field methodically, singing an ancient work song mostly composed of “yo ho, yo ho” and something about going off to work, as they assembled a last-second touchdown attempt.

Bugman seized the ball from the pitch as surehandedly as a miner wresting a chunk of ore from a deep chasm. Up field, Gemstar was in scoring position, but surrounded by three Mayemi defenders. He didn’t care. As Bugman sprinted toward him, he ignored the defenders and reached out to take the handoff. As a former goat-herder, Bugman’s hands were strong from wrangling beasts on the mountain side, and they did not fail him. Ge gripped the ball tightly and turned toward the end zone.

Still singing in low tones, the rest of his team had assembled around the elves marking Gemstar to assist in the blitz he would need to break free. Lowering his shoulder, he burst forward, drove his steel pad into the nearest elf defender, Tya Tyngafarthrowa. He then trampled the elf thrower on his way to the end zone to score the winning touchdown just before the final whistle.


Thrundin Gemstar runs through Tya Tyngafarthrowa on his way to the end zone for the winning TD

“One never likes to lose, but I take some solace in the manner in which we lost,” said Mossheart after the game. “It’s not everyday you see a dwarf team manage a pick-up and a hand-off, and then traverse half of the field in mere seconds like that. I’d say it looks like we taught the little fellows how to play elf ball today, and for that we can be quite proud!”

Additional Game Note: A Tasty Explosion

Though the BrewKings hired star player Cindy Piewhistle, the fact that the game only had two possessions meant that they never got around to actually deploying the baker-bomber on the field. As she departed from the stadium disappointed with her inaction, Piewhistle left behind several of her baked goods, which led to a mishap when Mossheart mistook the pies for a spread for a postgame celebration similar to last week’s.


“I’m not sure what sort of spices this halfling chef used in her pies,” said Mossheart after he was doused with a bucket of water. “But they’re definitely too hot for my liking.”