Exploring the All-Too-Human Side of Blood Bowl

Episode Two – Blitzing the Stand Firm

Welcome to Episode 2 of the Black Fog Follies, where we turn our eye to the humanity of blood bowl. And by “humanity,” of course, we mean failure and frustration. Yes, we’re talking about the finest coaching mistakes, failed plays, and out-and-out bonehead maneuvers that define the great sport of blood bowl as played by humans, where everything succeeds 100 percent of the time, half of the time, two thirds of the time.

Today, we look at the Bastonne Black Fog’s recent 1-0 loss in the Draft League Extraordinaire to the Quenelles Chargers. Despite losing four players to injury in the first half, falling behind 1-0, and spending most of their second half fleeing from defenders in their own territory, the Black Fog did have a chance to tie the game in the closing seconds. Let’s see how they managed to blow it.

Like most of the richest existential blood bowl calamities, this failure began with a gift from the great Nuffle. The Chargers were doing everything they could to surround the Black Fog’s ball carrier, Intrepide Chevalier. Chevalier’s great strength (ST 4), combined with his blodging and sidestepping abilities, meant that the Chargers wanted to get as many bodies on him as possible.

So it was that the Chargers’ coach opted to re-roll Fred 'Front Man' Frontenac’s block (both down | skull) on one of the Black Fog blitzers protecting Chevalier. The both-down result would have left both players standing, and the Chargers wanted the blocker on the ground to be able to swarm Chevalier. Of course, Nuffle rewarded this bold choice with a pair of skulls.



“As always the beautiful irony of this game is that our greatest chance of success lies always in failure,” said Black Fog Coach Albrecht Cadmus. “We must learn not only to accept the tragic nature of the human condition, but to embrace it, for when the random absurdity of life dictates calamity for our opponent, it dictates possibility for us.”

As Frontenac fell to the pitch, Chevalier was able to race up field with a screen of blockers setting him up for what looked to be a good chance at a last-second score.



The Chargers’ response was to be less bold. Rather than trying to break through and swarm Chevalier, they set up a makeshift two-column screen blocking his path to the end zone. The only potential weak point in the defense was manned by Don 'The Rock' McCrakko, whose stand-firm skill made the weak point much stronger than it would have been otherwise.



With no rerolls left, the Black Fog opted to send the freakishly agile (AG 2+) and powerful (ST 4) lineman Nathaniel Ofton to blitz McCrakko. Even if he were to fail to bring McCrakko to the ground, his presence would then give catcher Jean Renoir a slight chance (1-die) to do the same. Of course, Ofton did fail and then Renoir failed doubly, falling to the pitch and ending the Black Fog’s scoring threat.



Though many might question the strategy of blitzing a player gifted with the art of standing firm, Coach Cadmus stands by his decision.

“Blitzing a stand-firm player to try to clear a path is never a great option, but what would you have us do instead?” said Cadmus. “Should we have just resigned ourselves to the indifferent universe and done nothing? No, for it is the very struggle against the absurdity and meaninglessness of life that gives life meaning. Like the mythic Sisyphus pushing his rock again and again, to blitz a stand-firm player may seem pointless. But we must revolt against this pointlessness. We must blitz the stand-firm player. For to struggle against failure is the only way to turn failure into joy, to turn meaninglessness into meaning.”

And there you have it. Another failure and another valiant attempt from Coach Cadmus to make sense of it. Until next time, that’s all for the Black Fog Follies. Remember: ‘Stay human, and stay humble.’