The Return of the Treedancer? Resurrection in Duqueswood
Surprise Witness Throws Hearing on Future of Blood Bowl, Coach Smithson into Chaos

After three NCBB seasons of controversy, death, and a handful of actual wins, the Duqeswood University blood bowl program and its coach, Gerric Smithson, faced the ire of the forest community earlier this week. Students, alumni, faculty, and parents gathered in the Grove of Justice to witness the hearing that would decide Smithson’s fate, as he faced charges of endangering student safety, stealing an elven spirit tree, and, most shamefully, forcing his players to drink dwarven beer.


Coach Gerric Smithson delivers his opening argument, and likely immediately regrets that he chose to represent himself in the hearing

In the opening statement for his defense, Smithson took an oddly aggressive tone with the university board of elders. “I’m out of order?” Smithson read loudly from a prepared statement. “You’re out of order. This whole damn grove’s out of order! If I was the man I was five years ago, I’d take a fireball to this place.” After sitting down, he rose quickly again to his feet. “Sorry, forgot one thing,” he said shuffling through his notes. “Uh … yeah, let’s see … here it is. You want the tree? You can’t handle the tree!”

After a few moments of confused silence followed by a few moments of confused murmuring, the hearing continued, and a mountain of evidence was presented against Smithson. Beyond the most recent charges, Duqueswood VP of Student Safety Baerys Pondripple laid out a host of grievances against Smithson, including but not limited to 16 player deaths in four seasons, a staggering negative-79 casualty delta, and a persistent obsession with ordering his wardancers to leap toward certain death.

Yet the most compelling evidence against Smithson came when Scyntia Spinleaf took the stand. “My family had placed a lot of faith in this … coach,” said a tearful Spinleaf, the mother of deceased wardancer Mirlin Spinleaf as well as injured and released catcher Scootyr Spinleaf, and one of the lead donors to the Mirlin Spinleaf Memorial Elfletic Training Center. “But he took our faith and spit it back in our faces, kicking our son off this team so that he could continue to sabotage it, and then horribly uprooting my dear Mirlin’s spirit tree to that his soul cannot live on in the glory of the forest.”


Scyntia Spinleaf delivers damning evidence against Smithson through her tears

After Scyntia broke down into tears, the gallery broke out in cries for Smitson’s head. “Make him leap into a crowd of orcs!” one elf yelled. “Let’s see him try to dodge from a rat ogre’s tail,” shouted another.

“I’m telling you I never touched that damn tree,” Smithson cried out as Duqueswood University President Kyn Grovely called for order. “I don’t even know what a spirit tree is. You guys are literally barking up the wrong tree here!”

Smithson’s casual use of such a demeaning arboreal epithet only brought more shouts of unrest from the gallery. Once President Grovely managed to restore order in the hearing, he allowed Smithson to call to the stand his only witness, suspended senior Green Duke treeman Oakward Weatherborn.

However, after it took Weatherborn three hours to reach the stand and then swear an oath to tell the truth, most of the gallery as well as the board of elders had fallen asleep. As a result, few if any heard his testimony, “Coach … good,” which took an additional 90 minutes for him to utter.


Suspended senior Green Duke treeman Oakward Weatherborn takes the stand to try to defend his coach

After Weatherborn left the stand and President Grovely woke everyone in attendance, he pronounced his judgement.

“As a steward of this historic institution dedicated to a leaferal-arts education in the woodland tradition, I have no choice but to find Mr. Smithson guilty and declare blood bowl illegal in the forest of Duqueswood,” he said. “And since Mr. Smithson’s crimes go beyond university rules, but touch on the sacred laws of woodland funereal proceedings, I decree that Mr. Smithson will not only be dismissed from the university but will also be forced to leap from Tree of Judgement.”

At that, a gasp rose from the back of the gallery, where many members of the Green Dukes were sitting. “We knew Coach Smithson made some bad coaching decisions,” said team captain Dethwyntyr Whitebranch. “But to hold such actions as a crime punishable by death? They don’t even take the sport that seriously in the legendary ancient Amorican realm of Alabama.”

President Grovely then raised his gavel in the air, ready to end the hearing and with it the Duqueswood blood bowl program, and, perhaps less importantly, the life of Gerric Smithson. “If there are no objections,” he said, “that concludes—”

Suddenly a great rumble came from the back of the grove. With the groaning of wood and the rustle of leaves, a huge figure more than 12 feet tall pushed apart the branches and entered the grove. All in attendance turned and saw to their shock a new treeman as tall and wide as Weatherborn but bearing the bark-covered face of Mirlin Spinleaf.

“I object!” the treeman called out, speaking much more quickly than the average treeman.


Mirlin Spinleaf, somehow resurrected—and somehow now a treeman—interrupts the hearing

The hearing broke into chaos as Scyntia, her husband, Mirvis, and son, Scootyr, cried out with joy at the resurrection of their son and brother. Once Grovely restored order, he had only one question for the new visitor, and it was the question likely on the minds of all present: “How is this possible?”

Striding into the center of the grove with more grace than has ever been seen from a treeman, the reincarnated Spinleaf addressed the crowd. “When they buried me beneath the sapling during my return to the forest ceremony, it was Oakward and Willow Rosebark that planted the sapling,” he said. “Willow had played more than a few games for us that season, and let’s just say … she and Oakward had gotten to know each other fairly well, so that sapling they planted above my dead body was no mere tree.”

The crowd turned with shock to Weatherborn seated in the gallery. Though autumn was still weeks away, nearly all of his leaves turned a bright red.


File magecast image of Spinleaf’s return-to-the-forest ceremony from two years ago. At left, viewers who look closely can see that Weatherborn and Rosebark appear to be holding hands.

“When I awoke back into the living world and realized what I had become, I uprooted myself and traveled the Duqueswood,” Spinleaf went on. “I learned quickly of the controversy surrounding Coach Smithson and my brother, so I stood among the trees outside Coach’s manse to learn the truth. I discovered that he didn’t release my brother out of some misguided sense of spite as my mother believes. Instead, he knew that the injuries my brother had suffered put his life in danger on the field, and though he would never admit it himself, he cut Scootyr out of mercy, even though he knew it could cost him his job.”

As President Grovely struggled to bring the hearing back into some semblance of order, he reminded everyone that Smithson had been found guilty and asked Spinleaf what the nature of his objection was.

“I object to the termination of the Duqueswood blood bowl program,” Spinleaf said. “And I declare before you today that if the board of elders reinstate the program, I will play for the team as its treeman ...”

The board of elders quickly huddled with the Spinleaf family who agreed to fund further stadium improvements and endowed elfletic schoarlships over the next four years of their eldest son’s renewed eligibility. After they then huddled with President Grovely, the president declared that the Green Dukes blood bowl program was instantly reinstated.

“But I will only play on one condition,” Spinleaf went on. “Gerric Smithson, the man who saved my brother’s life and taught me how to play this glorious sport is the only coach I will play for. If you don’t immediately rehire him—and refrain from putting him to death—I will leave the program. See what I did there … ? Leave the program. Get it?”

Few in the gallery chuckled at Spinleaf’s misguided pun, as they were too intent on the conferring between the Spinleafs and the university board of elders over this new demand. Despite shooting icy glares toward Smithson, Scyntia and Mirvis knew they had no choice. They agreed to continue to support the program, and the board of elders and President Grovely agreed to reinstate Smithson—and also not kill him.

“Well, that’s great,” Smithson said as the grove broke into applause. “But you’re forgetting one thing. Maybe I don’t want the job.” As the attendees hushed in shock, Smithson went on. “I’ll only accept on one condition.” He turned and pointed at Weatherborn. “You lift this young treeman’s suspension and allow him to graduate.”

The board quickly agreed, though one among the throng raised an objection. “Wait, wait, wait,” said VP Pondripple. “Weatherborn is not just ineligible to graduate because of his suspension. This thick block of wood and bark hasn’t passed a single class—in four years!”

Smithson turned toward Pondripple, then looked back at President Grovely. “Make that two conditions,” he said, pointing at Pondripple. “I’m only coming back if you graduate Weatherborn and fire this clown.”

President Grovely quickly agreed, and Pondripple was escorted from the grove, as Weatherborn was quickly given his cap and gown. All present save Scyntia and Mirlin rejoiced, as both blood bowl and Smithson were restored at Duqueswood.


Oakward Weatherborn (communications) makes history, becoming the first treeman to graduate from Duqueswood University, and the first student to ever graduate with a 0.0 GPA

Reached for comment after the hearing, Coach Smithson seemed to take the proceedings as a ringing endorsement. In fact, despite his close shave with unemployment and death, he appears to have no plans to change his aggressive coaching style.

“Like I told you, this ain’t the first time they tried to run me out of these woods,” he said. “I think now it’s safe to say I’ve got a little of what they call poli-tree-cal capital on my side, and I plan to use it. If they thought my coaching was unorthodox these last four years, just wait until they see me teach a treeman how to leap.”


Reunited, Spinleaf and Smithson look forward to next season, in which Coach Smithson hopes to avoid getting his star player killed for a second time