As I scanned for my daily lunchtime bit of BB action, I had no idea Nuffle was about to grant me my heaviest ever defeat. Having sat and seen no action on the gamefinder for all of 20 odd minutes, an 11 player Woodie team jumped on, and got my attention. After a bloody encounter with some Fundead the other day, my Darkies only had 11 players! This looked like ideal recovery!

Normally I'm hesitant to Elfball. Number one, I'm rubbish at it. Statistically, my Elves do far better against teams with bite. It all feels a bit effeminate and lame to me. Roll less ones and win! Number two, this team was about 20 TS points up from mine, but I'd get handis. I always feel a little bit dodgy offering games where I'll get a handicap, some of them can get a little bit game-breaking, and it's a waste of an hour for all concerned. Anyway, it had been 20 minutes, I was bored of constant 'no tx's, so I had a go.

My opponent is probably a good coach. But 6-1? 6-1! By the time I was 2-0 down, it had become clear that it was all over in a one-of-those-days type way. Then I had a shot at clawing my way back to 2-1, but I was so fed up, my brain turned to a jelly (no doubt Jock will do you a recipe later) and I bombed it like a n00b.

At this point, I felt like a proper moan. However, I placated myself via the use of the dancing badgers on my monitor..

Badger, Badger, Badger, (blitz!) Badger, Badger, Badger, (snake - Woodie recovery!) Badger, Badger, Badger, MUSHROOM, MUSHROOM! (cheer! Woodie TD) Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, (blitz!) Badger, Badger, Badger, (double skull!) Badger, Badger, Badger, MUSHROOM, MUSHROOM! SNAKES! SNAKES everywhere!

And so it went on.

Today's lessons, children :

1. Elfball is bad. It is the favourite pursuit of many a Communist dictator, causes cancer in small baby Lambs, and Nuffle was right to reward me with the biggest dicing I've ever gotten. Bravo big guy. Reinforce the lesson!

2. Whining in game is crap. I had a bit of micro-whine at 2-0, and immediately felt like an idiot. Nuffle granted my opposition two blitzes as a direct result. Good stuff. He didn't deserve my annoyance, wasn't his fault. I watched a high CR coach whine like a little bitch yesterday (and insult the skill of his opponent), and made a subliminal note to boo him every time I spec him from here on in. It's not big or clever, idiot.

3. Cartoon dancing Badgers and other methods are good for sitting out and remembering that the dice have ones on them. Sometimes you'll see that a lot. Plus, who the hell cares, really? Pixels are there to go splodge.

4. Java BB 9.0 needs to be supplied with a year-long subscription to 'Lubricant and Applications' monthly.

5. I must hunt down lithiel , congratulate him on capitalizing on the situation and being a fun guy and a good winner, and murder his pixels! ;)