DER GREEN TIDE 4 - 1 GODAILLE

A KO! MAGAZINE WORLD EXCLUSIVE

Mystics, soothsayers, shamen, clairvoyants and other members of the Allied Guild of Charlatans have all declared that the end times are upon us, why? Are rumours of Nagash's return true? Have cats started barking? No, it's worse and weirder than that, it's because for the first time EVER Der Green Tide have WON A GAME! Over now to your Goblin commentator Boggle Lillylion for the match highlights.

"Der wevva is perfik ere tuday at der Badlandz Community Swamp fer a game o Blud Bowl tween der Green Tide an sum gitz in evenin wear, Godaille. It seemz az tho yezterdayz draw az broht out der fanz, wiv ovva 10,000 gobbo's supportin der Tide compared ter only 5,000 of der ovverz.

Godaille receive der kik an strait away der Tide showz dey meen busynezz wiv Greeda Stinkbreff KO'in a frall called Le Biberonmer wiv a luvvly fowl ter der ead. Emboldened by diz, Slimy Swetboy KO's anuvva frall called Le Pochtron wiv a vichuz blok an sum brass nukklez. AND ANUVVA FRALL IS DOWN! Diz time itz Le Gobelotteur oo seemz ter av a broken nekk after dat blokk frum Stinky Badgaz. It definatly seemz like diz iz an intentional plan frum der Great Gobbo az wun of dem bludsukkerz, I fink YES itz Charles Lichetron az walked in untuched fer der tuchdurn, an we iz only alf way froo der furst alf! Lets see wot der Tide kan do wiv der ball.

It lookz like der Tide av kum out in der famuz 'evil eye' furmatchun but der game plan iz definatly ter pikk on der fralls az der goez anuvva wun, Le Soiffeur iz badly urt by dat blokk frum Tuska Pigface. Datz annoyed vampire Alexis Cheulard oo frakturez Gnash Doomspiderz skull wiv a nasty blokk. Wait, wotz diz? Yeruk Blacknail andz der ball off ter Grim Toejam. Hanga Leftere az dodged iz marker an iz free in der end zone but dere iz no way ee kan mek diz - TURCHDURN TIDE!!!!! Inkredible long bomb frum Toejam rite on der money fer Leftere an itz 1-1!

Ang on, der bludsukkerz ent rite! Dey iz gaspin an signalling fer a drink but no wun kan enta der pitch AN LOOK AT DAT! Both Louis Fesse-Pinte an Alexis Cheulard av bitten der own teem matez AN DER BALL IZ LOOSE! Cheulard iz still fursty an itz bye bye Le Lampeur III, an dat iz der alf time wistle.

Der assistant manager for Godaille iz moanin at der ref, I fink ee iz tryin ter say dat der Green Tide av put salt in iz teemz barrel ov bludd! Der ref iz avvin nun of it tho an der sekkund alf kikz off, der Tide receive an instantly brek out inter da finga foor furmatchun. Godaille ignore der downfield recieverz an rush Blacknail der ball carrier. Lichetron seemz ter av im in der bak field, NO WAIT, BLACKNAIL WRIGGLEZ FREE! Ee dodgez wun, dodgez too an tries a long pazz down der sideline ter Leftere, but it lookz like eez ovva kooked it - NO IT'S KAUTT!!! A freek gust o wind keepz der ball in an itz kautt by Leftere an itz an eezy jog down der line fer a TUCHDURN, AN DER TIDE LEED 2-1 AT DER START OF DER SEKUND ALF!

Der sun dodgerz getz der ball but dey iz still not rite AN LICHETRON IZ EETIN IZ OWN TEEM AGEN! Wotz diz? Fisse-Pinte pinches a nerve on Pigface, eez urt im an now eez bit im, but look at iz face, JUZ LOOK AT IZ FACE! Ee atez der taste an ee az run off der pitch yelling fer sum mouff wash! Now Lichetron andz ovva da ball ter frall L'Ecluseur but ee iz terrified of getting bit an fumblez der ball! Itz picked up by Blakk And an anded off ter Evil Plaugeface on der alfway line, AN DEY WUNT KATCH IM! Lichetron iz so mad ee bitez L'Ecluseur anyway AN ITZ 15, 10, 5, TUCHDURN GREEN TIDE!! I dunt believe dis, alfway froo der sekkund alf an der Green Tide iz winnin free wun! Kan dey actually win a game?

Lazt chance fer der bludsukkerz, oo punch a ole froo der Tide line an Cheulard lookz set ter skore - NO!! EEZ TRIPPED AN DER BALL IZ LOOSE!!!! Leftere sprintz bakk, pikks up der ball frum under der nose of Lichetron, attempts an insane pazz ter Blacknail WHO KATCHEZ IT! Blacknail down der sideline, dere are sum gobbo's on der pitch, dey fink itz all ovva, Blacknail andz der ball ovva ter And AN IT IZ NOW, TUCHDURN!!!!!

WE IZ DER BEST IN DER WURLD! WE AZ BEETEN DER BLUDSUKKERZ! COUNT DUCKULA, COUNT CHOCULA, COUNT DRACULA, COUNT VON COUNT WE AZ BEETEN DEM ALL, WE AZ BEETEN DEM ALL! NEFERATA, KAN YOOZ EAR ME? NEFERATA, YER BOYZ TUK WUN ELL OVVA BEETIN! YER BOYZ TUK WUN ELL OVVA BEETIN!"

Full match here