It is Monday, and the mood around the Green Tide camp is grim. The last seven games have been an unmitigated disaster, lowlights of which included the deaths of Shiggla Koldblud, Krishnash Elfmaima, Ziggrit Nosepikka and Nurnk Spidarida, super star player Yakka Flemfroat suffered a smashed hip AND a smashed collar bone and star player Droggle Ratkilla suffered a smashed collar bone, a pitch invation which saw every Tide player attacked and stunned and more perfect defences than you could shake a stick at. The Great Gobbo is at his wits end (which is not a short journey before anybody says it).

KO! Magazine: "What's the matter Great Gobbo?"
The Great Gobbo: "I dunno, I az nevva sin bad lukk like it! It'z like we az pissed Nuffle off persunally"
KO: "Perhaps Nuffle is a cat lover!"
GG: "Yeh......YEH!"
KO: "That was meant to be a joke Great Gobbo"
GG: "Fink about it tho, I bet sum o dose katz wot Nige ad woz blakk, an dat iz well unlucky innit!"
KO: "Don't talk superstitious rubbish. Anyway there is nothing you can do to change your luck"
GG: "Oh ent der? We'll see bout dat!"

Tuesday rolls around and we arrive at the training swamp the same time as a courier bearing a large wooden crate.

KO: "What's this Great Gobbo?"
GG: "Ahh gud, itz ear like ee sed. I went an saw Honest John last nite an got meself a lukk changing kit, gizza and wiv der lid"

The crate is opened to reveal an odd assortment of items including a small plastic child's trumpet and mysterious bottles of black liquid. On top is a piece of paper which reads as follows:

'Congratulations on your purchase of Honest Johns Luck Changing Kit! Inside this crate you will find everything you will need to successfully capture a leprechaun, nature's luckiest creature, who will grant you three wishes for their release.

Contents of this kit:

1 x Official Leprechaun Catching Net
1 x Official Leprechaun Stunning Club
1 x Box of Lucky Charms Cereal
1 x Official Leprechaun Hunting Horn
10 x Bottles of Gwiness Grog

Instructions for use:

STEP 1.

Find a location where a leprechaun is likely to be. Traditional spots include end of rainbows, mystical forest clearings and under large toadstools.

STEP 2.

Pour the Lucky Charms cereal into a bowl and leave out as bait to draw in the leprechaun.

STEP 3.

Keep your Official Leprechaun Catching net and club handy whilst you wait in hiding for the leprechaun. Whilst waiting drink your Gwiness Grog to improve your leprechaun spotting ability.

STEP 4.

When you spot your leprechaun blow your Official Leprechaun Hunting Horn to signal the start of the hunt, then net your leprechaun. Using the club provided break its legs to prevent escape. If it gives you any lip smack it a few more times with the club to ensure maximum co-operation.

ENJOY AND HAPPY HUNTING!

Honest John accepts no responsibility for the non-existence of leprechauns.

KO: "How much did all this cost?"
GG: "Sekret. Now kum on Nige, we az a leprechaun ter katch!"

TO BE CONTINUED.....