Wednesday.

Loud banging on the door wakes us up early this morning, which once opened reveals an out of breath Dr Eadcase.

Dr Eadcase: "Ah gud, yer in! Der boss needz yer elp, fast!"
KO! Magazine: "What has the Great Gobbo done now?"
Dr E: "Ee's bin nicked!"
KO: "Arrested?"
Dr E: "Yeh!"
KO: "What for?"
Dr E: "Dunno, I jus got a note dis morning sayin ter get yew down der nikk sharpish"
KO: "Fine, i'll go down straight away".

The jail is a cramped square building with only one small grimy window high up in the wall which lets in a dim shaft of light. The only other source of light is from a small fire in the hearth, in front of which is an old battered wooden table. The Great Gobbo is asleep on the cold stone floor of the only cell, huddled under a blanket. The only other person in the room is the jailor sat behind the desk, a fat man closer to fifty than forty with a permanently red face that some would call jolly.

Sergeant Farmer: "Hullo, you must be our little green friend's solicitor, I'm Sergeant Farmer"
KO: "Uhh yes...pleased to meet you. Err what has my client been charged with?"
Sgt: "Lemme see here" rifles through some papers "Ah yes, here we are. He was arrested last night for the following offences. One, assault on a Halfling. Two, riding a squig whilst intoxicated. Three, possession of an illegal toad and a bunch of other charges relating to public nudity and urinating in the street. I was about to wake him to take his statement, shall we proceed?"

Sergeant Farmer takes a bucket from the corner of the room and goes outside. When he returns it is full of cold water. He gives us a conspiratorial wink before throwing the contents over the Great Gobbo, who leaps up with an almighty yelp. It takes him a few seconds to get his bearings after being yanked out of the land of nod so violently.

Great Gobbo: "WOT DER BLUDDY ELL DID YER DO DAT FER YER GIT?"
Sgt: "Ahh he's awake at last! Morning GG"
GG: "Ello Arry. Got the kettle on? Ow bout a brew?"
Sgt: "Ere you go matey, full of sugar just the way you like it"
GG: "Cheers Arry, yew iz a lifesaver"
KO: "Hang on, you two know each other?"
They both chuckle
Sgt: "Oh yes, quite the regular is our Mr Gobbo! Still he's generally no trouble once he sobers up and he always brings us a pack of biscuits the next day to say sorry for any inconvenience caused. Right then, lets hear all about it and remember anything you say can blah blah blah"
They both laugh
GG: "Well Arry, it woz like dis. I woz out in der woodz untin fer leprechauns. I put out me bait an waited whilst drinkin me Gwiness AZ PER DER OFFISHUL INSTRUKSHUNZ. Well afta ten pintz o waitin I see wot I fink iz a leprechaun kummin down der paff. It stopz by der cereal, sniffz it, den getz out a spoon an starts eatin it. So I blowz me orn AZ PER DER OFFISHUL INSTUKSHUNZ, op on Nige an chase afta der likkle git wiv me net an klub"
Sgt: "Let me just interrupt you there, when you say leprechaun are you referring to the Halfling named Mr Kam who you assaulted?"
GG: "Yeh but kummon, be fair, ee woz small, went fer der bait and ee ad a green at on"
Sgt: "His Flying Sammiches cap"
GG: "Yeh, anyway we chases im inter town where I katchez im wiv me net AZ PER DER OFFISHUL INSTRUKSHUNZ an den we az a likkle chat"
Sgt: "The guard report says you were found jumping up and down on Mr Kam screaming 'Give me my three wishes you fat....'"
GG: "Like I sed, avvin a likkle chat"
Sgt: "You then attempted to insert a toy trumpet"
GG: "OFFISHUL LEPRECHAUN UNTIN ORN!"
Sgt: "OK, your leprechaun horn, into a rude orifice"
GG: "...mebbe..."
Sgt: "It also says that you then kneed the arresting officer in the goolies before stripping naked and riding Nigel round the town whilst singing a very rude song about lobsters. When you were finally apprehended you made several bizarre threats against the Emperor, insisted that all coppers were 'a shower of barsterds' and then attempted to bribe yourself out of trouble with an illegal toad"
GG: "Ahh...."
Sgt: "I've gotta be honest with you Gobbo, this is quite serious. I think it's going to take more than a few biscuits to get out of this one"
GG: "Ow bout a Furtive Ratface commemorative plate an sum VIP tiketz ter der Tidez next game?"
Sgt Farmer scrunches up the charge sheet into a ball and throws it onto the fire.
Sgt: "Oh deary me I seem to have mis-placed the paperwork, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go"
GG: "Cheerz Arry"
Sgt: "And don't forget the biscuits!"
GG: "I wont! Kummon letz go, we az a big game ter prepare fer tomorra!"

TO BE CONTINUED......