It has been many days hard travel by coach but we are nearing our destination when suddenly a shout goes out “Neel an deliva!” The coach rattles to a halt and looking out of the window we can see a very small highwayman. Our coachman peered down at the figure in the road. It was hard to see much from this angle, because of the short body and the wide hat. It was like looking at a well-dressed mushroom with a feather in it. The coachman sighed and put down the reins, he was buggered if he was going to be threatened by an outlaw that came up to his waist.
“You little bastard” he said, “I’m going to knock your block off”. Suddenly there was a blur and the coachman found himself on the floor in the road clutching his testicles. The highwayman stepped over the groaning body of the driver and marched towards the door of the coach. The door flew open to reveal a goblin brandishing a crossbow.
“Rite den, gizza yer kash” said the intrepid assailant.
“I’m afraid I don’t have any” we replied.
“Bollox” said the goblin.
“Honestly it’s true” we lied, “but if you loan me something then you can rob me”. The goblin’s brow creased in thought.
“So I gives yew summat, an den I kan rob yew?”
“That’s the idea”
“But all I az iz me bow”
“Well give it here and we can get on with this robbery”.
“Hmmmm, ok, ere” said the goblin handing over his weapon, “rite den, stand an deliva!”
“Or else what?” we enquire.
“Or else I shootz yer wiv me bow”
“What, this bow?” we say aiming it between the goblin’s beady little eyes.
“Err, yeh. Um, fekk I az buggered diz up”.
“Might I know the name of the dangerous highwayman who held me up?”
“Err, itz Dik”
“Turpin?”
“Turnip”
“And how long have you been a highwayman?”
“Since dis mornin”
“Well then Mr Turnip, I suggest that you are no longer a highwayman by this afternoon, now scram!” The goblin turned and fled, and after assisting the coachman back into his seat we set off again. The scenery became more and more familiar, and at least once we saw a pair of squirrels throwing a football around in the top of a tree. Finally we arrived at our destination, the cave of the Great Gobbo.
TO BE CONTINUED….