The moon is full and bright as we walk up the overgrown path towards the Great Gobbo's cave, our arms aching from carrying the two Tescorc bags stuffed with alcohol and steak flavoured crisps. As we round the final corner and pass the 'BEWARE O DER SQUIG' sign the sounds of drunken goblin singing can already be heard. Just before we reach it the front door explodes. As the smoke clears the light from within illuminates the blackened form of Dyno Mite, bombardier of Deff Frum Abuvv.
"OI YEW!" yells the Great Gobbo emerging from the living room looking very angry, "I TOLE YEW NOT TER BLOW DER BLUDDY DOOR OFF!!"
Dyno Mite: "S,s,sorry boss, I wuz only tryin ter pep yer doorbell up fer yer"
Great Gobbo: "Datz kummin outta yer wages!"
DM: "But boss, yer still ent payed me nuffin yet!"
GG: "An kount yerself lucky, now go wash yer face in me puddle before yer gets soot everyware". The Great Gobbo looks up and spots us. "Alrite mush, welkum ter der party!"
KO! Magazine: "Hello Great Gobbo, are we all set up and ready to go?"
GG: "Yep, in ere. I az der krystal ball runnin an tuned inter Cabalvision"
Greeda Stinkbreath: "BOSS, BOSS IT'S STARTIN!"
GG: "RITE DEN YEW LOT, SHUT YER KAKE OLEZ!"
A reverential hush falls over the room, the air thick with tension and other less pleasant things. This will be the Tide's first ever game in a competition, and what a competition it is, the Fumbbl Cup! The voices coming through the crystal ball are faint but clear.
Griff Oberwold: "number 38"
Bob Bifford: "number 38, that's the Blood Sea Buccaneers"
ALL: "Ooooooooooooh"
Unknown gobo: "Bunch o wan-AAaaarrrgggggh!"
Morg'th N'hthrog: "Number 147"
BB: "Will play number 147, that's the Vegertarian Dreams"
ALL: 'Sigh of relief'
GO: "Number 311"
BB: "That's Chainsaw"
ALL: "Ooooooooooh"
MNH: "Number 9"
BB: "Will play Left My Heart In San Francisco"
ALL: "Awwwwwwwwww"
GO: "Number 179"
BB: "Sewer Scramble"
UK: "Oo der fu-Aaarggh"
GG: "Shut dat git up!"
MNH: "Number 13"
BB: "Will play the Green Tide"
ALL: "MASSIVE CHEERING"
KO!: "Why all the cheering, who are Sewer Scramble? Are they any good?"
The noise subsides to nothing as all eyes turn to the Great Gobbo
GG: "Russell? Were iz Russell?"
GS: "Eez at ome, iz mum wont let im stay out afta 7 on a skool nite"
GG: "Rite Nige, andz me yer stikka book. Lesse Sewa, Sewa, ere we go Sewa Skramble aaand....." *sound of intense reading* ".....LADZ WE AZ A CHANCE!"
MASSIVE CHEERING AND THE SOUND OF SOMETHING EXPLODING IN THE BATHROOM