The Great Gobbo staggered up the path to his cave, his little green arms struggling to drag the two massive sacks of clinking bottles up to the door as the giant novelty green foam hat with ‘Kiss me, I’m from Albion’ on it kept falling over his eyes. Behind him Nigel was dragging a smaller sack using her teeth that was thrashing about and swearing the most crude of curses in a small sing-song voice. Exhausted, the Great Gobbo put down his sacks, found his keys and opened the door wide for Nige to drag her sack of profanity into the cave.
‘Stikk im in der likkle room at der bakk fer now’ said the Great Gobbo as Nige dutifully disappeared into the gloom at the back of the cave, the sound of professional level cursing slowly receding. He went into the kitchen, took a bottle of Gwiness from his sack, popped out the cork and took a long satisfying swig. He cast a critical eye over his kitchen. It was spotless. All traces of Dagg’s anal embolism had been removed, even the smell. Impressed the Great Gobbo whistled for Nigel, who came bounding in.
‘Go find Dagg an bring im ear, I wanna kongratulate im on a job well dun’. As the Great Gobbo relaxed something nagged at his mind like a tiny pebble in a sock. Something was wrong but he couldn’t quite put his green finger on what it was. He shrugged it off and picked up the mail that had accumulated in his absence and been left on the kitchen table for him. It was the usual junk, a note from Pythrr reminding him to get his OBBA game sorted out, a pamphlet from those bloody Clawpombers again about how their box was the best and a postcard from Kam who was still on the run in a forest somewhere with the original Goblin Invitashunal Tawnament trophy he had stolen. Oh well, at least he wouldn’t have to buy any toilet paper for a while.
His reverie was interrupted by the arrival of Dagg and Nige.
‘Ello boss’ said Dagg, ‘ow woz Albiun?’
‘Dem nutterz in Der Emerald Tide iz mental, but dey mek an excellent grog kalled Gwiness, ear, try wun’
‘Fankz boss’ said Dagg taking a bottle out of a sack.
And then the penny dropped. The kitchen was immaculate. Too immaculate, there should have been a cauldron of magic potion sitting in the middle of the floor.
‘Oi’ the Great Gobbo growled, ‘where iz me majik poshun?’
Dagg froze, the bottle halfway to his mouth. A small pink squishy thing with a suitcase had just walked in through the door, heard this and turned around and walked out without stopping.
‘Err I chukked it, koz it made me krap meself an I fort it ad gun bad’
‘Yew chukked it?’
‘Err, mebbe. A bit. Slightly.’
Time froze as the two Goblins looked at each other. Time unfroze and Dagg just made it out of the door before the novelty hat on the Great Gobbo’s head slipped down over his eyes making him run into the cave wall. He got up and threw the stupid had at the rapidly receding form of Dagg before going back to his drink.
‘No moar majik poshun’ he thought ‘oh well, nevva mind, der Fumbbl Kup iz kummin soon an dis year I az a kunnin plan fankz ter a likkle elp frum me “guest”’ He grinned at Nigel and laughed an evil laugh ‘Betta ter be lucky den gud, rite Nige’ Hehehehe

The Great Gobbo is back from Ireland and is getting ready for the Fumbbl Cup!