Sitting at home alone, and feeling a bit thirsty, I decided to go down to my local drinking establishment for a couple quick beverages. I strutted up to the bar with enthusiasm. I cheerily asked the bar tender, "Hey Refrigerator, what are your specials tonight?"
He looked at me solemnly and didn't answer. So, I decided to ask a second time, this time in a more precise manner. "Bar-keep, if you don't have any specials, how about a beer then?"
Again with his stone cold white face, gave no response.

At this point I felt very annoyed that he did not even wince at my polite questions. So I popped my head into the bar, to circumvent the obstacle. To my amazement, I saw that it was empty! "A'right then, if you can't serve me, I'll go somewhere where they can." Slamming the door shut as I left.

This time I walked across the way to visit my 2nd choice. This bar was full of old dusty people. Some tall and slender, some short and wide. I was keenly interested in a beer, but there were none to be had here either. So I asked "Liquor Cabinet, may I have a whiskey?"
No reply again. Feeling very parched, I looked through the bartender for the bottle. Dismay, no Whiskey of any sorts. I eyed up a bottle of Henesey Cognac. I shrugged and then commented " I'll take one of those my fine fellow."
Again no response. At this point I was perturbed of the rudeness of my waiter. I decided to self serve. It didn't take me long to finish that bottle off, as it was already nearly empty.
Next I pursued this slender bottle of Vodka. 2 stiff drinks later, and about 15 exquisite yet wasted one liners, she snubbed me coldly where I stood. Nuts to her I thought.
Again, I was in search for another bottle.
It was at this time I saw my good old and dear friend Mr. Rum hiding in the back corner. We rushed each other and embraced with glee. Laughter and jokes followed about the good times we had in the past. Then Mr. Pepsi arrived, wearing a very Dapper blue and red suit. We all cheered, shook hands and again embraced one another, as if we just scored a game winning goal. Why had we ever been apart? Such good friends we were. Then Mr. Pepsi reminded us of the time we overindulged with him Downtown that one summer night a year ago. A rough reminder of the turmoil from our mingling. Frick it, we all said in unison. Oh did we laugh, about the chaos that discommunicated us for such a long time. We joked around for an hour or so, throwing back 5 good, hardy, stiff drinks, like old friends do at such times. Sadly our chance happening ended as abruptly as it began. This time with no regrets.

I was just getting started at this point. I felt alive, I felt rejuvenated, I felt awake. Hyperactivity empowered my whole being. Unfortunately the bar was now emptying out. Not a soul to be seen. Quiet and lonely. At this time, I looked direct into that flat brown wooden face of the Bartender's and snapped my fingers right between his eyes. My chin went up, my bottom lip pouted out towards the moon, and I "hmmphtt" as loud as I could. He knew he would receive no tip from me tonight. "Pound sand with that Tip SIR!! I barked. That is what one gets for not politely serving a patron.

At this point I texted my Wife. "Honey," I says to she. "when will you be home?"
She responds with an instant reply of 20 min. I also respond, "Can you please grab me a bottle of Rum, and a Bottle of Pepsi?"
She texts me a smiley face and a "at it again are you tonight?"
Everything my grade 12 English teacher had ever taught me about grammar had been thrown out the window by this time. I says to she "yep-du-mundo! The Bartender cut me oft, but I would like to keep awn drinkun. Can you get me those? I do wish ta keepz drunkun"

"Bartender?" She asks

"Yep-du-mundo" I reply. "I swang ova to da Liquor Cabnet. You know that old bar near the Kitchen?"

She replies with a simple"?"

I had her right where I wanted her. "You know, it's the old place, dat I hardly ever visit anymore. I usually get my drinks from the Fridge, but it wasn't serving me either. It has those fancy glass doors"

It takes her a short time to reply. "I don't know if you can handle another drink. Do you really want me to get another bottle?"

I says to she "yep-du-mundo! Can you also grab me some lickerish, and a Cornetto? Those will hit da spot."

At this point I started rambling madly to everyone that would respond to my drunken texts. Peter, my dear Elementary school friend responded. We gaggled back and forth like Geese. Calling each other creative insults, such as Limp-Tits, and Drag-Balls. Neither of us made any sense, but both enjoyed the silliness of it.

Gladly interrupted by my dear Wife, as she arrived home. I put the snacks aside. Again Mr. Rum, Mr. Pepsi and I cheered upon our reuniting. Laughs and giggles brought out onlookers. My dogs Thunder, and Ripper both tried to join in the festivities, until I tripped over the smaller of the two. Poor Mr. Pepsi crashed to the floor. He exploded, as if someone had fed him a pack of Mentos. "Nooooooooo" I yelled, fading off in the distance. Groans, and Profanities could be heard from Mr. Rum. I quietly hung my head, knowing the night was over. My wife tried to console my distraught by saying, why don't you invite Mr. 7up over? He is hanging out in Mr. Refrigerator's pub."

I curtly said to she "No! I have standards. I will not drink with that old scum bag! Besides he is hanging out with a guy who wouldn't serve me! That Bastard!"

She didn't understand. She couldn't understand. I was in anguish over my friends demise. He was so young, and gone too soon. Oh, the travesty. I wish there was something I could have done better in the short time we had together.

I can't tell you how that night ended, as it is vague. I remember a blurred vision of John Wick fighting in a bathe house. All I do know, is that my head still hurts two days later.