A Dwarf is A Dwarf, Of Course Of Course
Page 3

The next morning I had woken to the worst stench imaginable. It was a mixture of wet dog, stinky feet and Garlic breath. I took a quick whiff of my clothes, praying it wasn't me. Stale Ale, and Ode to the unwanted wench was still lingering on my shirt. I gave a sigh of relief, though my garments didn't smell much better than whatever was in the air. That awful smell was very over powering. I stood and started sniffing around like a border guard dog hunting for some Mexican Marijuana. That thought distracted me for a moment, as I could have gone with some Sticky Icky right about now. My head was pounding, from the booze and from the cobble stone floor I had used to sleep on. It was hard enough waking up face down on the floor to that repugnant odour, to have a full scale head pounder like the one I own now.

I bumped into an open sitting room, leaning on the door frame with one hand on my head. I saw Puggy Baconbreath laying on a chaise lounge chair with one of his hairy feet raised on a pillow. "Aah, how goes it my fine chap?" He greeted me with an ear to ear smile. " It looks like yur'ed hurts there a bit. Want ta chase dat Dragon with Annover Ale my friend?"

I slowly shook my head back and forth, and then shrugged and took the drink. It was nice a cold. Refreshed me, but did nothing for my head.

"My friend stopped by whilst you were sleeping. He said pop on down ta his place fur a little chat later. I would like ta go take ya ta talk ta he, but as you can see my old Gout is acting up on me a bit. I hope you don't mind walking down and speaking to em yur'self? I can give you directions down there. Ill make a map for ya. Easy walk, only a couple blocks down tha road. No Vampires are going get ya today. Too bright ya see." He pointed out the window.

I winced and cringed as I made my way out the front door. Everything was horrible this morning. The Sun was out, the birds were singing, and my head was pounding. It couldn't have been a worse morning. Everything looked different from the night before. I was already lost. I could not read the map while out in the open. I think I passed the address, five or so minutes ago. My eyes could not adjust to the Sun with this kind of hell-fire hang over. I decided this little pub would be a good refuge, and made my way in.

An instant relief came over my body. The pounder of a headache didn't go away, but my forehead had an instant relief from not having to squint. I saw the wench, and waived at her for a hearty meal and a pint of bitter. She looked at me with disgust and unwanted servitude. I use both hand and waived her on, in a shooing fashion. She shook her head and made way. I laid my arms on the bar and rested my head on them.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing here?" A voice came from a unrecognizable Dwarf to the right of me.

"I need a pint and some food. I have a terrible Hangover and I am hoping it will help me function. I don't feel like conversing with you dwarf, hit the bricks will ya?" I said in a confrontational manner, without removing my head from the bar.

"I threw you out of here last night and didn't expect you to return. You need another noggening?" The Dwarf said to me while shaking his fist towards me. " I am Grim Ironjaw. The Owner pays me well to keep the rift raft out of here, while in between my Games."

"Listen here, I ain't in the mood for any games that involve Dwarves. I just want my meal, and my drink and Ill be on my way Short stuff." I said while turning my head away from him.

That was the wrong thing to say. He grabbed my shirt by the shoulder blades, lifted me slightly and then kicked my chair out from under my buttocks, while slamming me to the ground. It instantly knocked the breath out of me. I gasped like a drowning man, Mouth to Mouthed back into life. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged my out the door. I quickly gained my wind, and had enough. While he was busy pulling me by the hair, I swung my body around and Toed him in the groin package. He dropped like a Anchor off a boat. I got up angry now. The Sun no longer bothered me. I grabbed his beard and started dragging him around in the same manner as he did to me.

"How do you like that half pint? I just wanted to be left alone, but Noooo, you had to screw with my hangover." I angrily said to he.

He reciprocated the groin shot with one of his own. Excuse the pun, but it hurt like the dickens. I dropped to one knee a growled in pain. He started to rise from all fours facing away from me. I quickly attacked. This had gotten personal, and I aimed to finish of the little bearded git. I grabbed his underwear and stood to full attention. His eyes widened with surprised anguish. As I stood I took his underwear to full length of my outstretched arms. He squeezed, and I smiled. I started to spin slowly around in a circle, showing the now large crowd my new trophy. His legs were waving in the air, and his weight started to become a nuisance.
I decided to end this. I suddenly dropped him to ground, not releasing my grip of his under drawers. The drop, and release of pain, made him start to curl in a fetal position. I then took his waste band and drove it over his head. I could see one angry eye peeking out of the pee hole in his drawers. His arms flailed, as he ran around like a Jawa in the Dessert. A swift, yet hard kick to buttocks made him drop on his face. I decided he has had enough and started to make my way down the street to meet Puggys friend. I heard the crowd laughing at the Dwarf while he yelled profanities from a distance. I still had a hang over.